I have a friend I knew about when I was growing up; I would go to his house but it was because I had to go. One summer at 16 we crossed paths again and we got reacquainted. This time I finally made time to hear his story. Later that night I found out that he’d been dying to be my friend since the day he saw me, and he wanted a relationship with me. Before the night was over he asked me one simple question. Do you want to be my friend? I’m a people person so of course I said yes; plus he was the real deal. At first all I wanted was his friendship. I could not get enough of him. He was my best friend, and he was a true friend. I wanted to spend as much time I could with him. I used to not able to wait to go to him and tell him about my day, my worries, and all that was going on with me. We would spend hours over tea just being in each other’s presence. I would hang on to his every word; he was truly the best thing that could ever happen to me. My life was changed for the better; he helped me realize that I should not run after vanity because all that would pass away. He helped me become a better daughter, sister and friend.
Then, one day there were some new kids on the block that caught my attention. I still wanted to have a relationship with my best friend but I thought my other friends were cooler at times. So, I spent less time with him because I wanted to be with my other friends also. He would remind me about our breakfast date together, but I would tell him I already made plans and we would have to reschedule. I started to feel guilty when my best friend reminded me that we hadn’t spent time together, and I promised to do better. I would get uneasy when others mentioned his name, my heart longed for him but I was torn between friends. So, I did the only thing left to do, I chose who I wanted to make a priority in my life. I’m ashamed to say I did not choose my best friend. He was heartbroken.
He made some promises to me before I left He said I am patient, I love you unconditionally. I will never leave you; you can call on me anytime. I mean it. And Ginelove, there is nothing you can do that can ever make me love you less. My desire is to be with you but I want you to choose me like I chose you. Do you think after all he said I changed my mind and chose him? NO. I went on to do my own thing, although he was always in my thoughts. On occasion I would call on him to ask for some advice and he was always ready to talk to me. But not having him be a constant part of my life, I fell into my own selfish desires. I made some crappy decisions and brought some hurts and scars into my life that I could have avoided. But the consequences are the price I paid for being a fool. I dug myself on a deep hole, where I felt that I had nothing to live for; I was depressed and was just existing. I was in a dark place; I had a secret that if people found out they would most likely not want to be my friend.
My life got out of control really fast, but my friend said to me, “You know you can always come back. I’m waiting for you with arms wide open, no condemnation, because I don’t keep a record of your wrongs. Ginelove even on your worst day I love you, nothing will change that.” I told him, “How is that possible? Because anyone else would condemn me for all that I’ve done.” He simply let me know that he loves me just as I am; the good, the bad, and definitely the ugly.
While reading the passage in 2 Kings 17, I was reminded that it is me God is talking about in verse 33 “I worshipped the Lord, but I also worshipped my own gods according to the customs of the countries.” My gods or idols are anything I put in God’s place, whether it is a significant other, sex, job, or other numerous material possessions. I cannot serve two masters; it’s either God or things of the world. Now that I’m a little older and wiser; I choose the lover of my soul Jesus Christ. One of the many things I learned on this trip is that there is no living without loving Christ. My life is meaningless without Him, and I’m grateful that my God is jealous of me and patient. He is worth it. I’ve tasted and seen that He is good. Thank you Jesus for choosing me to be in a relationship with you.
I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new
I am not who I was
I am being remade I am new
Dead to the old man, I’m coming alive
I am new
Forgiven beloved
Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy
Reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy, this is our new name
This is who I am now…
(Jason Gray- I am new)
