Wow. The World Race has started! Here I am in a tent in the middle of Quiché, Guatemala. Our squad is all together this month which is amazing! We’re staying with a ministry called Agape in Action which is phenomenal. They have a hospital here in Quiché and some clinics. Check them out on Facebook for pictures and such.
While I would love to give you a grand update on ministries in Guatemala and show you all the pictures in the world, that’s not the purpose of this blog. I want to talk about secrets. The past three nights here have been life-changing for everyone on S-Squad. We’ve been doing Postsecret nights where someone stands up and shares a secret of theirs. Something they struggle with. And we, as a squad, love them and pray for them. Something crazy has happened here in Guatemala. There has been healing, love, joy, freedom. And there is no explanation for it except for GOD! The relationships between our squad are amazing because Christ is completely and totally the CENTER of them! (…and we haven’t even been here a full week…)
I shared a journal entry I wrote, and I would like to share some of it with you all:
God I need to tune into you. And in that I need to let you show me where I mess up. Show me where I need you. We’ve been doing Postsecret nights here the past two nights. People are getting real. I feel like I don’t even know how to be there. I feel like I don’t know what to do to be in that place with you. It’s hard. I want to be so raw and real, God, but I don’t know how. I don’t know what to say. I just don’t know. I need so much of you, Jesus. I need to know that despite the fact that I am a sinner and I have sinned against you in ways that I am ashamed of that you love me. I feel so incredibly unworthy. And so undeserving. And so impure. I don’t feel like I can gain back what I have lost. When I told my story to my team leader, she told me that I am deserving. That I am worthy. And I don’t believe that. In my head I know that I am. Not because of me, but because Jesus died for me. Jesus, you died for me! I’m done believing the lies from Satan that I’m not worth it to you, God. Show me, Father, the love that you have for me. I remember the truck you sent by that said, “gracias para tu confianza” (thank you for your confidence). I know you sent that by. God, I am so confident in you. If I weren’t I wouldn’t be here where I am. I wouldn’t be in a tent in the middle of Guatemala. Yet here I am. To be closer to you. To fall more and more in love with you. To let you rule in my life in ways currently unknown to me. Mary Demuth was speaking right to me in her book ‘Everything’. I love it. In the chapter about self-awareness she talks about those who are overcritical of themselves. That’s me. I can offer grace and love and mercy and forgiveness to everyone else, but I can’t offer it to myself. Mary says that resting in Christ is feeling like it’s ok to live in my own skin. God knows that I am made of dust. He knows I am sinful. He made me. God, you created me. Just the way I am. You are good. And you created me good. Help me to know that!
There is such a sweet freedom that comes with honesty. Honesty with yourself, with others around you, and with God. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, though. Being broken honestly sucks. But it’s so worth it. God is so worth it!
“The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.” Psalm 103:13-14
“You do not desire a sacrifice, of I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.” Psalm 51:16-17
“There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.” Romans 8:1-2
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weaknesses.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
