These past few weeks I have been trying to put into words just how much that place has stolen my heart. Nepal is vibrant and sometimes dirty, and breathtakingly beautiful, and heartbreaking all at once. It was nothing of what I expected and all of what I needed. It wrecked everything I knew about “needing” certain comforts (…like showering regularly). It has redefined my understanding of joy and reframed my view of wealth. While there may not be much physical wealth, their wealth lies in the relationships and friendships made–in community. The people, the culture, the amazing dancing, the mountains, the dirt roads, the stone stairs, the wayward animals, the curious kids…it felt like home. All of it. Most days were an adventure regardless of whether we spent it painting a concrete wall or climbing a mountain. Everyday was full of purpose and beauty and so much joy for me as I grew to know and love the people there. It didn’t necessarily start out that way–in fact started out quite rough–but The Lord really opened my eyes. Life there was both routinely simple and fundamentally difficult–in the best way. I wouldn’t trade a moment of any of it.
“You’ve felt it havent you? Those feelings so big in your chest, like something is so beautiful it aches?”
I’ve fallen in love with the people of Nepal. And I had to say goodbye (at least for now). I left a part of myself behind that day as I drove away from Hindi in tears, and that day that I boarded the plane to Qatar then on to South Africa. And looking back, every person was worth it. Every moment was worth it.
You see, I gained another little brother in the process, one of the hardest goodbyes. On that last day, Amos ran to me and said “Sis, I made this christmas present for you”. And he gave me a gift that he had put together himself. There was a letter, a plastic salamander, a pencil, some small candies, barbie and disney princess stick-on tattoos, a nepali coin, and my favorite part…a prayer cloth. It was a small piece of red fabric that Amos had covered in prayers. He told me whenever I am sick to keep it near me because it was covered in his prayers to God. The minute he handed it to me, I burst into tears. Now I wasn’t planning to tell any specific stories in this post, but my fingers just kind of took me there. But that gift was a result of the Lord–part way through my time in Nepal–changing my heart. He pushed me to connect with the people there, to love them, and He equipped me with everything that I needed to do so. And in return I felt the most loved that I have felt on the race, by each of them.
I’ve learned and am still learning that loving isn’t always easy and isn’t always convenient. It isn’t all rainbows and butterflies…and most importantly, I’ve experienced much more than I’d like to admit–that on my own strength, I can never love like Jesus loves.
You see, its easy to stop loving others when love inconveniences you, when loving someone forces you into a place you don’t want to be metaphorically or literally. Its easy to stop loving when love will cost you more than you intended to give. And its especially easy to stop loving when you try to love someone who doesn’t love you back. Sometimes when your love is pushed and challenged, so you cave and the last thing you want to do is love more.
In our own human strength, its nearly impossible to love despite these situations. But with God in the picture, its not. Spending time in His presence and having Him pour into me, that when I am able to pour out into others with love that overcomes these things. I still can’t truly comprehend the reach of God’s radical love. I pray that He would bring my awareness of His Radical love to a whole new level. To show me what it means to love and give of my very self the way He came and gave His life. I pray that He will show me what it means to burn with His love and to be ready to share and reflect that with those around me. Regardless of their response to me.
That is what Nepal taught me and has still been teaching me even though it has now been almost a month since being there. Although all I want right now is to be back, I know that The Lord has called me on this race, so I must continue…I must keep on loving–loving my teammates and every person I come across–even if its hard and even when I know that there is the possibility of hurting. I cant stop pouring out the love of the Father on others, because He first loved me.
1 John 4:19 // We love because He first loved us.
Like Mother Teresa said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love”
So, I will love until it hurts…and then love some more.
There’s a thin place between here and heaven
There’s a Kingdom closing in
Its our love for God and for others
That makes the world look more like Him
That makes the world look more like Him
Ill be your heart to the ones I meet
Ill show your love to the least of these
I would have never known if you didn’t first love me
I’ve learned to love when I’m your hands and feet
I’ve learned to love I’ll be your hands and feet
