What I have seen, both last month and this month, is that The Lord has continually set up meetings with people that literally change my life…
Walking through this month, I felt disconnected.
Disconnected from this country, the people in it, and even a little bit from The Lord.
I struggled with being present.
It was so hard to say goodbye in Bulgaria; I had invested so much of my heart and it broke when I left Dobromirka–when I had to leave those kids.
Because of that I think that I held back and built up walls
I didnt put my whole heart into getting to know the people here in Albania.
I thought to myself again and again
IT will be SO easy to leave Albania. I have no connection here. I have no one who it will be hard to say goodbye too.
And I was happy about that.
Or so I thought.
I struggled through the beginning of the month. Writer’s block the size of the Empire State Building had set up camp in my mind. I had no inspiration. I had NOTHING to write about.
I was mentally constipated…I felt clogged up like a water drain after a rainstorm. All this debris–thoughts about last month and thoughts about the future months–kept me from being fully present and fully invested.
People would ask me how my month was going. I’m not even kidding, the word that I kept using was: INTERESTING
I had so much going on in my heart but I didnt know how to vocalize it or write it out. I had no way of processing. “Interesting” was my neutral word–Albania wasnt horrible, but it wasnt Bulgaria.
It just was.
So, I was sitting on my bum, enjoying serving when the campers came through but not really building relationships with them.
I would venture out of the compounds walls into town, but I wouldnt talk with anyone.
I think that The Lord got a little tired of my subconscious pity party…So He set me up.
I didnt ask for it.
But BOY and I glad that He did.
I was standing outside the grocery store in the Net Center (the mall) holding people’s bags as they grabbed some snacks when one of the workers at the register, who always seemed to be the one to check out my groceries, walked over to me. We started talking, exchanged names etc. At the end she said that she would love to hang out some time and show me some places around Lezhe that she liked.
Fast forward a couple days, there we were, a couple of the girls from my team, and we walked to the Net Center to meet Dido after work and go for coffee. The conversation was great. There was tons of laughter.
There was instant connection.
We met again our last sort of free day–thursday–before we left on sunday.
I went from combing the grass and picking up pig poop by hand, to enjoying cappuccino and tiramisu from Jolly, a nice restaurant bar with quite the view. (talk about living a double life!)
What hit me straight through the heart was that throughout our time there, she kept on saying “Are you really leaving on Sunday??”
Then while walking back, she said to us “When I wake up and go to work I think to myself, I hope the Americans are coming today…I wonder if they will” but now when I wake up I will say to myself, “The Americans left on Sunday”.
When we said our goodbyes, we embraced as tears flowed down her face.
Wow. That really broke my heart.
Who knew that a few stops by the grocery store and smiles and chance encounters, and a few coffee shop meetings, could mean so much.
She was impacted by each of our friendship.
God how?
It was such a short time.
But I felt The Lord saying that He is not confined to time. He can do much with little.
That’s the kingdom paradox. (He raises us up when we are humble, he makes those who are the least the greatest, in our weakness His strength is made perfect….)
He did so much with my little reluctant heart in such little time.
And it was through talking, listening, and loving that Dido’s heart was touched.
We talked with her about her future, we talked about Languages, about music, about The Lord.
I felt that this month The Lord had taught me about being fully invested.
It doesnt matter how good or bad last month was. It doesnt matter how hard my last goodbye was… that shouldn’t stop me from investing in this country, and investing in the people here.
When you close yourself off, you feel like you are protecting yourself from hurt…but you could actually be hurting yourself, and others.
When you constantly stare at your own feet walking down the street, you miss seeing–actually SEEING–the people around you and the need around you. You miss seeing the oppurtunities that Lord puts in front of you.
How can God use me when I close myself off and build walls? He wants to partner with us to bring the kingdom into other people’s lives, but he can’t if you contiually trip over our own feet.
No matter how hard a goodbye may be, I need to fully invest my heart wherever I go and whomever I am with. The pain of goodbye is worth that difference that can be made in their lives—the way The Lord touches their lives–and the difference that can be made in my life as well.
The Lord is teaching me to be present and invested with my team, to be present with my squad, to be present in each nation, to be present with the people I meet there.
This is for me, but I also encourage you–any future racers who may be reading this–dont hold back for fear of being hurt. Dont hold back for fear of saying goodbye.
God can do SO much through you and in the lives of others when you fully invest your heart.
He loves to use you and move through you. Dont be afraid to live from that overflow.
Dido gave me something to remember about Albania. She opened my eyes to all that can happen when you chose to be intentional and pursue relationships.
So, all that being said….
The Empire-State-Building-size writers block in my mind has gone through some major demolition.
AND
I finally have something to write about.
Dido, my Albanian sister, if you are reading this, thank you. I am so blessed to have met you. I hope to someday meet again and until then, you will be in my prayers.
