“Something my father said. He was old, very old at the time. I went into his room, and he was sitting alone in the dark, crying. So I asked him what was wrong, and he said, “My shoes are too tight, but it doesn’t matter, because I have forgotten how to dance.” I never understood what that meant until now. My shoes are too tight, and I have forgotten how to dance.” -Londo Mollari, Babylon 5
As I sit here enjoying a nice affogato that my dad made for me, I still feel that I am lacking the words to adequately describe what happened at training camp. Part of me wants to spew everything that happened, part of me wants to keep it a secret, and part of me just doesn’t know where to start. God taught me about humility, about serving, about loving whole-heartedly….about so much more.
Lies were dispelled and chains fell off people. Truth was spoken into our lives and walls came down. Declarations were made over our lives and this journey we are about to embark on. The past was let go of and things were released. Prophetic words were spoken over each of us. New and lasting friendships were formed. A new family came together with the vision to see the nations come to know Jesus.
I know without a doubt that God’s hand was moving throughout the entirety of training camp. His presence was there and lives were being transformed. He was commissioning us and empowering us to go into the Nations.
I think that a big theme for me was freedom. The Lord likes to speak to me in themes…you know, just to make sure that I get the point. But I’m so thankful that He does, because confirmation is so encouraging. During training camp there were so many instances through His speaking quietly to me during our times together, prayer from leaders, and words from fellow squadmates that He wanted me to LET GO (even echoed in the amount of times we heard that Frozen song play haha) and that He wanted me to walk in BOLDNESS.
Let me expand a little.
One night we were having worship and asking the Holy Spirit to come and meet with us. I came only with the expectation that he would come, not worrying myself about how he would show up. And show up he did. I remember standing there and swaying with the music, my arms uplifted. My left hand began to shake….like really shake. At that moment someone came and laid their hands on me. I’m still not sure who. But she was praying and I was shaking, not sure exactly what was going on, but happy that the Lord was there and moving in me. After a while of this, she asked me what I thought the Lord was doing. Honestly, I told her that I wasn’t sure what He was doing. I just knew that I wanted more. She then said that she felt the Lord was telling me that there was something that I needed to let go of. Ya, makes sense that my left hand was shaking uncontrollably. But it was such a precious time with the Lord and at that moment, I began to surrender.
Another day we were practicing receiving prophetic words for each other (SO COOL, but super scary too). We were praying for our squadmates on the right. Well, when it was time to share, my squadmate said that she pictured me dancing, but I was holding on tightly to the hands of two older people. She wasn’t sure who they were supposed to represent, but because I was holding on to them, I wasnt able to fully dance. Then she saw me let and and go onto the stage and begin to really dance. It kind of brought some tears to my eyes, though I tried to keep my composure. This word was crazy because 1) I was a ballerina, 2) She didn’t know that I was a ballerina, 3) I have been struggling with insane fear of dancing in front of people, and 4) because there was the theme smack dab in the middle of her word–of letting go. CRAZYNESS!! Another word that I received from a squadmate was the the Lord was wanting me to walk in boldness, to throw down the fear and timidity that was holding me back. Lets just say that I was so encouraged by the way that the Lord was speaking to me through these two girls.
And lastly, this is a story of when the first wall came down. It was before worship and we were having a dance party (no surprise), when a dance circle formed. There was a little lull in the dancing until a sweet sister of mine pulled me into the circle and began to dance with me. It was then that something let loose in me and I did a double pirouette….That may not seem like a big thing, but it was. It was so big…I was beginning to loosen my shoes. My teamleader was so encouraging in this. This year we are going to fight this fear. This year the chains will let loose and I will dance, because it is what the Lord has put in my heart and spoken over me. I am so thankful for those on my squad who are fighting with me for this.
And you know what, the last night of training camp after squad wars, the dance party was on. Blue squad was the last one on the dance floor. It was so freeing and so fun and I wasn’t afraid of looking stupid, I wasn’t afraid of what others would think of me. The Lord is teaching me how to dance again, and He’s loosening my dancing shoes.
All in all, Training camp is something that I am still processing. It felt like weeks had gone by and yet at the end I was wondering where it all went. SO much is still swarming around in my head. I guess the only thing I can do is continue to press into the Lord and work through everything with Him. I know that training camp changed me (I mean, I went shopping without showering or putting on any makeup…what?!?). I know that the race will change me. I want it to change me.
So here I am, licking the last drops of that delectable affogato off my spoon and praying that what happened at training camp will stick. I am falling more and more in love with the Lord as He speaks to me, works in my life, and takes me on a spin around the dancefloor. And you know,
“When you’re in love with God, you’re not afraid to yield your life to Him.” – Heidi Baker
36 days until I leave for launch and spend a year falling in love with Him, learning how to yield my life to Him, and learning how to live out of overflow—And I can’t wait.
SOME FAVORITE MOMENTS
-dance offs
-eating food with my hands
-krav maga lessons
-not caring about makeup (au naturaaal baby)
-relaxing in ENO hammocks with my squadmates
-cooking dinner over the campfire and massage circle around said campfire
-sleeping under the stars
-late night lake swimming after a long dance party (hair shampooing all inclusive)
-finding our strawberry (such a cool story, if you’re curious, message me about it)
-worship, worship, worship
-belly aching laughter
-smelling like campfire
-50+ strangers becoming family in just one short week
^^Meet Team Apotolmao (plus Jay)!^^
Needless to say, I am so excited to be spending this year with these WORLD CHANGERS. Love them to bits and miss them already.
News: Launch begins June 30th and we will be flying to our first counry July 3rd.
I still need $3500 in order to be able to launch. Please partner with me in bringing the Kingdom to these nations by clicking the support button above and giving a (tax-deductible) donation. Every penny helps!
I have also felt that the Lord has put it on my heart to do photography/videography on the race (it has been a passion of mine for a while though I am still learning) and I am still in need of some equippment. Message/email me at [email protected] if you would like to support in that way
Blessings!!
