When my parents divorced about 13 years ago, many roles in my life changed. One of the roles was my loss of childhood. I grew up quickly through the experience. I took on the role of being man of the house before I could even shave. I realize my mom and sister may not have taken me serious at the time, but I had walls up against any man that could come in and do harm to them or me; that view has been ingrained me for the last 13 years.
Until a few days ago, every man I saw on the streets I viewed with an immediate sense of distrust and “sizing up”. For so long I thought it was because I am so protective. However, I have learned that it was out of control, trying to control my surroundings and my own heart. By putting up my guard I could not be hurt by someone, or a friend else would not be hurt by someone. My view of protection was really an attempt to control my world, a prison of control that I placed myself into.
“More people would walk out of the prisons in their lives if they knew they were in one.”
My time on the race has been a time of turning back the clock to my childhood. As the Father is showing me more and more what it is to be His son, He is encouraging and bringing back to being a kid; to be able to trust my Heavenly Father for protection, provision, and prosperity.
Moving forward, I pray to view others with eyes of grace and not hostility. That I would view people the way God views them and not the way the world views them. I no longer want to be in a prison in which I cannot love. Instead I want to walk in the freedom my Dad has planned for me.
