So all that I have been able to think about lately is the next year and the World Race, and it has a million things racing through my mind on a daily basis. I had a conversation with a fellow racer the other night, and I voiced some of these thoughts and vice versa, so I thought maybe I would share them with you, and hopefully I'm not the only one thinking the things I've been thinking.
~Why am I going on the World Race?
~Am I going on the World Race just as much for me as for the people we are going to help?
~Is it wrong if I am?
~What is God trying to show/teach me?
Why am I going on the World Race? I think there are several reasons. For one thing I could no longer sit around knowing the love that God has shown me and not share/show it to others who have never even heard of Jesus. Another reason is I have never been out of the United States and God has created so much more than just America and I WANT TO SEE IT!! So I'm going to, and I'm going to spread the story of Jesus and his love while I'm at it. I'm also doing it because I'm tired of sitting in front of a computer screen inside a cubicle that I could dismantle at any moment while taking the same phone calls over and over again screaming inside of my head "GET ME OUT OF HEEERE!!!"" I am doing the World Race b/c God has given me a heart that wants to help people and change the world.
But what if I'm going on the World Race just as much for myself as I am for all of the reasons I just listed? What if I am going on the World Race because I want God to throw some water in my face, or pinch me, kick me in the butt, wake me up? Well I think that I am kind of going on the World Race for myself as much as others. I absolutely want to help others, spread God's word and story of Jesus, but I want to go on the World Race to learn more about God through community with other Christians, from seeing the love God has spread across the world, by being taken out of what society tells us is how life is supposed to be and really living it instead. I want God to show me exactly who I am.
Well, isn't it a little wrong to be doing the World Race for myself as much as for others? I don't think that it is. As much as so many other people need to hear Jesus' story, and be shown the love that we are going to show them because of the love that God has shown us, We still have so much to learn. I don't think that God has even scratched the surface with me of what he is capable of. By disobeying God, over and over again, and being selfish, jealous, lusting over things, constantly doing things God tells us not to do, and he STILL CONTINUES TO SHOW US MORE AND MORE LOVE!! HOW AMAZINGLY RIDICULOUS IS THAT?! The more that we screw up, the more love God pours into us, more than we could ever imagine, and by doing this he is teaching us how to do the same to others. I think that by partly doing this for myself and my relationship with God, it is going to teach me things I haven't ever fathomed, and in turn be able to pass that on and share it with others to glorify Him. I believe that God is trying to teach me love, strength, compassion, courage, community, the list goes on, all while on the World Race. I know some of the reasons that I'm going on the World Race are selfish, but I believe I'm going to learn what it means not to be while on the Race.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am selfish, and I wish I weren't. I want to learn how to ALWAYS put God and other people ahead of myself. I want God to show me how to do that while on this Race. I also have been focusing so much on the World Race, that I sometimes forget that I can work on these things right now, in my hometown, and I can help people right here as well. I know I'm not alone when it comes to that, and I just hope God will allow me and my team to be where we are right now, and always seek His face, and He will take care of the rest. God will take hold of our hearts and lead us in the right direction. This much I know.
