I officially started the World Race with Training Camp a year ago. I was in Gainaville, Georgia, and my world was shaken. My heart was pounding through my chest full of excitement, my eyes glistening with ignorance, and my bucket was filled with expectation and the Spirit.
Now, I find myself on the same Adventures in Missions campus. I am worshipping in the same room, yet I am ending this journey here at Project Search Light. My heart is still pounding, and my bucket running over with love from the Spirit, except for a different purpose.
Right now, I am sitting in the worship hall – surrounded by the singing voices of other Racers… I hear their worship and feel the Spirit. I know that I am safe, I am secure, and I am free to be me with no added pressure. I can be the new me without explaining myself, or feeling the weight of expectation. I know that here I am free to feel, to be real and to not be okay. I have been reunited with the community my heart longs for, and get to spend time with the Father I cant live without.
I am now back in America and I am here facing an entirely different battle. On the Race, my comfort was stripped from me. I was thrown into a pit of constant community, intense spiritual warfare, and exhaustion, as the Lord completely stripped me of all my shame and sin. He completely broke my heart for orphans, re-opened my eyes to the spiritual and financial poverty around the world, and expanded my desires beyond anything I could have imagined.
My life was no longer about me, it was about Him. As I spent more and more time working for Him, worshipping Him, and seeking His face – I was completely changed and transformed.
Now that I am back in the States, the growth I’ve gained isn’t ending. I know that as I continue to seek His face, He will continue to refine me. Yet, I also know that as I continue to get refined, I am going to face opposition. This world will try and strip my growth from me.
I pray these lessons I’ve learned this last year will never be forgotten or smothered by the flesh. I know that the devil is trying to cloud my vision. He is trying to convince me that I haven’t changed, the Race wasn’t real, and the transformation I felt and experienced was fake. But sorry Satan, I know the truth.
This last year has been more than I can put into words. It was the most challenging thing I have ever completed, faced, and persevered through. And at the same time, it was the most rewarding thing I have yet to accomplish in my life. Still, these cautionary words I heard here at Project Search Light are filling my ears:
“The year after the Race will be even harder than the Race itself”
It is hard for me to imagine a year more challenging than the year I spent on the World Race. Although, as I transition back home, the challenges become more obvious. I find myself facing culture shock, as I feel this emptiness of where my team and squad once were. My intense environment of constant Christian community is gone, and now this unfamiliar “familiarity”surrounds me. Even though it’s hard to see this next year as more challenging, I can already see what I will be up against.
Yet with that I am encouraged. This last year was extremely challenging, but in that it was transforming. God isn’t done with me yet. If this next year is going to challenge me, that means I am going to grow a lot! The World Race was only the beginning.
As I write this final page in the book called “the world race”, I know that I am also writing the introduction to the next book of my life.
I have no doubt that my year at home will be a battlefield. I have been stripped of the “bubble” of the Race. Even though I won’t have to face rats and cockroaches, I will have to face the challenges of America. I will have to face the distractions of comfort, privilege, societal norms, expectations, and performance. It’s not the same kind of sensory overload, but that is definitely still present.
This last year I have learned how to be vulnerable, and to grieve. I have learned to how to choose joy and to choose to trust God daily. I have had to surrender myself completely to the Lord, and show Him that I know He is worthy of my trust. I have walked through seasons of intense perseverance and persecution and seen how it has refined me. I have lifted my sword in a battle against spiritual warfare and I have come out on the other side a daughter of the King.
I have finally taken my rightful place next to my Father on the throne with my brother Jesus Christ.
I have stripped myself of titles and replaced them with a confidence in my identity. I know who I am because I can SEE my reflection in the eyes of my Father. I have experienced the peace that comes with this new confidence.
I was looking through my journal today and happened across these words that the Father whispered to me in the Penang House of Prayer in Malaysia:
“Whenever you feel insecure, ask to see yourself through my eyes” – God
I was journaling to the Lord about feeling inadequate for the calling He placed on my life. He assured me that He has and will prepare me fully for anything and everything He calls me into. I know now that I am worthy of His vast and immeasurable love. I can be confident, bold, full of FAITH, and can finally walk forward proclaiming the awesomeness of my true identity in Him.
Yet with that, I know I am a target. The devil is angry, because he is intimidated. He knows the damage a faith filled believer can do to his plan on earth. I am a child of God whose vision is no longer clouded by the desires of my flesh, and I am focusing all my energy on my purpose in the Kingdom.
As I spend this next year in the states, I know that the devil is going to throw all of my old temptations at me. I know he is going to stand in front of me like a rabid dog, barking and growling, trying to fill me with fear. Yet, just like a child whose father would hurry to scare any predictor away from their children – I need not fear. My papa has me in His arms. I could even yell “puppy!” and run straight towards the devil if I wanted, because I know that my Father has already won the battle. I know that the supposed “vicious” enemy has no bite. I know that the devil cannot touch me because he knows that my Father has me in His protective and loving hand.
These last couple days here at Project Search Light have given me the space needed to just BE with the Lord again. I am learning how to be okay as I transition into this new book of life. My feet are firmly planted on American soil, and I am okay with it because I know that He is with me.
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
