I feel like the Lord has a sense of humor. In my last blog I wrote about shutting up before you kill someone – and today I woke up without my voice. I guess the Lord literally had to shut me up – so that I would listen to Him.
I am working through the devotional “Art of Listening Prayer” by Seth Barnes and today I am on day four. I am only doing three days a week in order to truly be invested in listening to the Lord.
After being mostly silent with me during this devotional last week – He spoke. I feel like the Lord has been preparing me on the Race for this moment, right here, right now. I feel like He has purposely positioned my heart using what He has been teaching me the entire Race, up until this very moment. He positioned my heart for what He spoke to me today.
The listening portion of the devotional today started out with scripture meditation on Psalms 119:58 “I have sought you with all my heart”.
After focusing on the passage I came to the realization that in order for me to honestly be able to say that statement in psalms, I would actually need to ACTIVELY pursue God with my entire heart first.
The devotional then went into a listening prayer portion.
I asked “Lord, show me what you want me to learn from this passage?”
What I felt was that I need to start actively pursuing God with ALL of my heart. And in order to do that, I feel like I need to let go of my desires and expectations. For each and every one of my desires I need to place Him at the center. For example, do I want to get married so that my husband can help push me towards God, and in that I can actively serve God more (God centered). Or, do I want to get married solely because I want a family, security, and someone else to give me love (me centered)?
I then heard God say in my Spirit “focus on me, and the rest will follow. I am preparing you.”
I wrote this down and then continued on in the devotional.
The devotional then had me write a love letter to the Lord. I won’t share the whole letter, but in part of it I wrote to Him that I was releasing all of my desires into His hands. I named specific desires I am currently focusing on, and then I asked Him to give me a complete trust in His desires for my life.
After the love letter/prayer portion of the devotional, I was then encouraged to wait in silence for God to speak. Here is where it really gets good.
While I was sitting there I heard the Lord ask “what does your ring symbolize to you?” – the ring He was asking about is the pearl ring I happened to buy yesterday at a market here.
I replied with “Lord, what do you want it to symbolize?”
He said “a pure heart desperately devoted to me. I want it to symbolize that I am all that you need. That I will fulfill the desires of your heart, and IF you stick with me, with a devoted heart, trusting me, I will make you experience true joy. You will be fulfilled.”
I was silent.
He continued “can you make that commitment to me? I’ve already committed myself to you. I desire you. I’m waiting for you to say yes. For your heart to be fully mine. For your heart, and your focus, your desires, to have me at the center. Will you yoke yourself to me Faith Destiny? Only answer if you are sure. This is a covenant with me, and I take this very seriously.”
After hearing the Lord tell me that this was a covenant – anxiety came over me. I have been reading through the old testiment and I know just how seriously covenants are to the Lord.
I replied “I am scared. I don’t want to disappoint you. What if I say yes and fall short?”
He replied “a yes is all I need, and you will never fall short. Give me your heart and I will give you life. A life with purpose – that matters. A life that is pleasing to the Lord. Say yes and I will KNOW you. Say yes and I will be able to say “well done my good and faithful servant”. I am offering you the promise land – what is scary about that?
I asked “what if my desires aren’t in the promise land?”
The Lord replied “if they are not there, they are not from me. Follow me, and I will direct your paths. Commit to me fully, and you will always walk in the plans I have for you. I want to see you prosper. I have such a special love for you, and a special plan for your life. I am so excited to show it to you! But, you have to come with me to see it.
I then replied with a yes “Lord, this day forward I make a covenant with YOU. I WILL always put you first, “I am second”. I will strive towards a pure heart that is desperately devoted to you. Lord, I will value you – and OUR relationship ABOVE all things of this world. Including my friends, family, and future husband. You are first.”
He spoke “my daughter, with you I am well pleased”.
After sitting and meditating on the conversation that had just happened, I asked “Lord, how do you want me to show my commitment to you?”
He answered “love me fiercely. Love me so much that my love seeps out of you. Be known by your love – and people will see your commitment to me. They will see the fruit, because you have connected yourself to the vine.”
I asked one last question “Lord, is there anything else you want to share with me?”
He answered “cast your cares upon me and I will flood you with peace. I know this convenant is serious, but trust me, I will definitely carry the weight for you – and you can just enjoy my presence.”
I then said “I love you so much. I appreciate your desire to KNOW me, and for wanting this intimate relationship with me. Thank you for valuing me so much so that I feel like the only girl in the world.”
After the Lord being mostly silent during this devotion the previous week, I was honestly surprised when this whole conversation unfolded. Especially with Him starting it about my ring!
None-the-less, I wanted to share this covenant with all of you mainly so that you can hold me accountable. A convenant is not something the Lord takes lightly – and I want to be completely and fully honoring to the Lord in this covenant.
I also want to encourage all of you to actively pursue more listening prayer in your spiritual walks with the Lord. When He speaks, it is worth the wait.
