I shared part of my testimony twice this week. Once at the Holy Spirit meeting with the Men in the Rehabilitation Center, and again Sunday night at Novi Sad Christian Fellowship’s 7:15pm evening church service.
Ever since I got here I have been dreading these inevitable sharing opportunities…
Part of me knew I would have to speak in front of people on this trip – but I just didn’t think about it seriously until I was here, and the expectation was presented before me. Whenever anyone would talk about sharing testimonies or any kind of public speaking, fear came over me and then the nausea would set in. Am I afraid of public speaking again? It sure feels like it. I postponed sharing my story as long as I could – but our pastor was very forward with his expectation that all of us would share our testimonies for his congregation.
Spiritual Warfare.
I use to be afraid of public speaking. The devil knows that. These last nine months I have been out of school, and I haven’t had to do any sort of public speaking. I let my guard down and let fear creep back in. Over time I got comfortable with public speaking in school, but the saying “use it or lose it” definitely applied here.
In preparation for my testimony I started over analyzing every word that would come out of my mouth, I wanted to be prepared if I absolutely had to do this. Then I took a moment and prayed, and to my surprise when I put the pen to the paper I just kept writing…
When praying about what part of my testimony I should share, God presented me with my most recent testimony. His timing, and the World Race. My most recent experience with Obedience and Listening to Him.
When I was finished writing, it looked a little different than I thought it would. I thought it was going to be more about how I got called to the World Race. Something I was comfortable sharing, and that I had shared before. God did have me put part of that into my testimony so that people would know more about a relationship with God, and listening to the Holy Spirit… But this testimony emphasized more on God’s timing, and why I am here specifically in September… I was sharing more about letting go of my need to plan, and recieving Gods plans for me instead. God’s plans being better than our plans, and how that has proved to be true in my life. I was sharing about the brokenness I experienced this summer before I left, and how I still was trusting God in spite of it.
Okay God, I’ll talk.
I first shared my testimony with the men in the rehab. I brought my book and had everything written down. I didn’t need it though. Before I shared, Bera (our pastor here) had everyone write down their sins, and what they were giving up to God. I wrote down anxiety. I was feeling anxious about speaking, a weight on my chest, nausea.. I wrote it down, ripped it up, and gave it to God. Silently praying in my heart for the Holy Spirit to speak.
“For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of the Father speaking through you” Matthew 10:20
Bera looked at me, it was time. To my surprise the anxiety had dissipated. I started talking, the words started flowing, and then it was over.
Was that it? Am I really done? How had I let satan get a foothold into my life through in this anxiety. Anxiety is not from The Lord, I know this!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Phillipians 4:6
Then Sunday rolled around. I knew I was going to have to share again… The anxiety wasn’t as bad, but I did have to pray against it, again.
Then, God.
Ever since I heard about the race, the song Oceans by Hillsong United, has had a special place in my heart. It is my Spirit’s prayer, and I can be intimately connected to the presence of God as soon as the words start flowing out of my mouth.
Before we did our skit and I had to share my testimony, the band played Oceans! They haven’t played this song the entire time we have been here, and they played it in this moment. The song started playing and my Spirit started rejoicing. Yes the words were in Serbian, but my Spirit is not limited to the barriers of language. As I fumbled around the Serbian lyrics, my Spirit sang it loud and clear. And then, the anxiety left… It dissipated with every word I sung.
Then the team and I got up and did the skit, and then it was my turn. I started talking, the words started flowing, I even laughed.
Then, it was over.
After the sermon, I had a couple people thank me for sharing, and tell me that they needed to hear the words I had spoken. I had been praying that the hearts of the congregation would be opened, and that the ears of those who needed this message would listen. So, these ladies coming up to me was an answer to my prayers.
Praise God! Sharing isn’t as bad as I thought. I can actually rejoice in this moment.
“If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31
God has worked marvoulously in my life this year. I should share it. I should be rejoicing in His love for me, His timing is perfect – and His plans for me are greater than any I could ever concoct myself. Trusting God is something that He has been working with on me ever since my first mission trip in 8th grade. Surrendering to Him is what He has called me to these last two years, and I will choose surrender every day until it becomes natural.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give hope and future.” Jeremiah 29:11
