I'm taking a really huge step here. Going to the world race is something that really came out of the blue for me, and I'm sure most people who know me were a bit shocked when they found out. I just recently got back into this whole "living a life with God" thing. I always believed but now I've decided that I really want to dive in head first and see where He takes me, and what He has in store for my life.
The other day I told a friend of mine that I've been reading the bible and his response was: "…woah…you know that's like really foreign to us right?…especially for our generation." And it's true. Not that many people I know read the bible, or even believe in God. And I've been living in this world for a while, where I'm the only believer in a sea of proud atheists. I try not to push any of my beliefs on them because it sure doesn't feel good when they do that to me. So I've fit in with them pretty well. Other than the fact that I believe and they don't, we've got a lot in common! They're cool people! We like the same music and movies and go to a lot of the same events. And now suddenly, here i am going on a really intense mission trip, giving up everything i know to serve God. I'm sure they're all really confused…
But this is something i really believe in. My best friend James quoted Biggie to me the other day. He said "We can't change the world, unless we change ourselves." I think that's very true. After all this time pretending to be something I'm not, I want to go back. I want to change who I am, so i can be the change I want to see in the world. I'm nowhere near perfect, no one is. But I'm trying my best to be a better person. I feel like this trip is really gonna help me find out who i am, and help me put all the negativity aside.
Music is a GIGANTIC part of my life, and always has been. I've been playing guitar since I was 9 years old, and the drums since I was 14. I'm into some pretty intense music, and because of this I've always had a hard time relating to the music you typically hear from "church people." I just can't get into some of it. Gospel music? Not really my thing. Hillsong? Not really that into it. It's nothing against worshiping God (I really like that part) it's just that the genre or style of music isn't my favorite. That's probably why I've been living in and around "punk rock atheist world" for so long. I recently found a Christian hardcore band called Hundredth. I really like their music and the message they bring. I found a song that's really hit home for me about the things I talked about in this post. Be warned: IT IS HEAVY MUSIC. But that's ME! It's the kind of music i grew up on. It's the kind of music that inspires me! Here are the lyrics:
Live Today
By Hundredth
I'm gonna live today, live to make a change.
There's comes a time in every life when it's time to move on.
and well hey, that's what it is today, it's time to make a change.
I was never awake, just dreaming of the days
When things were said and never done.
But now this is the life I lead,
living only to breathe hope into humanity.
I made a promise to myself.
I promised I'd never go back
to thinking of this place as my wishing well.
It's the same ol' take, take, take
I gave up on the world and that's all I could give.
And I said I'll never go back to putting myself above the rest.
I held my chin up high, but that's all I could lift.
Inside of me was a void as empty as the sky without the sun.
I was never awake, just dreaming of the days
when things were said and never done.
But now this is the life I lead, living only to breathe
hope into humanity. I'm gonna live today.
When i was away from God I felt like "Inside of me was a void as empty as the sky without the sun." And all I want to do now is live only to "breathe hope into humanity." I know He'll help me do that.
Here's the song:
