I’m coming in to the last few months of this trip… I have seen God move, the Bible Come alive, and He has spoken to me in ways that before, I would have never been able to comprehend. And the funny thing is, He speaks in the simplest ways. But in my human, finite mind, I THINK I know how he is going to speak to me… But I have also learned, that that is never the case… I have learned to see Him in the words that I study in the Bible. I have learned to see Him in the mundane everyday, because everyday, God expresses his magnificent glory in the most humble, silent ways. EVERY single day he paints a beautiful picture in the sky that we call a sunset. God doesn’t boast about it, but he quietly waits for us look at it… And then, I think, when we finally do realize what He is doing in our lives, Hes got a big ol’ grin on his face and says “TUDUUUUUH!”. Ya’ll… lately I have been getting cocky… I remember back in the Philippines, my biggest prayer was, “God, make me into the man that I am supposed to become over the next year”, and out of faith, I believe He has been doing so… But along the way, like I said… I was getting cocky… and didn’t even know it… Especially on this last half, I have been silently saying to my self “look at how well you are doing”. I have been thinking things like “look at the new Ethan, how Godly he is becoming”, and “he is making an even better version of who he was previously.” I have gotten cocky and started thinking that I had improved my character, that through experience and trial and error, I was finally becoming who God is calling me to be. He has taught me how to love, and now, I can do that for any other individual. Ethan is more generous, more kind, more sacrificial, and more of a steward than he ever has been before. But the reality is, it was never actually me. “I am of flesh, therefore nothing good dwells within me” (Rom 7:18). Romans goes on to say that the willingness dwells within me, but the actual doing of good is not present in the flesh. The fact is, it was never me improving my self, but actually me becoming even less of my self, and more like Him. It was the fact that I was learning to keep my eyes on Him, more often, and in greater capacities. I know that there is nothing good that dwells within me. But the more I grow, it is more of the Father coming out THROUGH me. 1John 4: 11-12 says “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely aught to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and His love is brought to full expression in us”. I am learning to live in the full expression of Jesus Christ. People are not seeing the new and improved Ethan, but they are beginning to see Jesus more clearly THROUGH Ethan. God has been teaching me that there is a BIG difference between ownership and stewardship. I do not own our life, or even my own thoughts. They are on borrowed time and these things I do, the abilities that I have are gifts from God, investments from Him to further the kingdom. I think we own our lives the same way that a child owns his room. The room was given to him, however he never actually owned it… They own it because it was entrusted to them to steward. They are to make their bed, make sure it is clean, and make it their own, but the time will come where the child will give everything back to their father. Even though I fail, I try to do this to the best of my ability; but the whole time, I do it out of gratitude… Not an obligation.
