My Friends
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” – Matthew 7:3-5
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” – Galatians 5:22-23
Seven months ago I was in Ecuador despising the people around me. I saw them as the problem, the imposters in my life. One time, I wrote my coaches an email that I never sent, in it I begged to be moved to a different team because I felt victim. I’m glad I didn’t send it because I wouldn’t have known endurance for what it’s worth.
It wasn’t about them becoming more tolerable, quite the opposite; it was about becoming more tolerable myself, more forgiving, kind, and loving, things not of my first nature. It is through my relationships with my team that the fruits of the spirit are being “worked” out in my life. I have learned that friendship isn’t just having someone to laugh with, but calling out truth and exposing lies. Through this time with my new friends and living in constant community I have learned the true imposter in my life has been my pride.
I can be so quick to point my finger at the character flaws in my friends, the things I don’t like about them. The things imperfect in my eyes and difficult to be around, the things that disturb my ever-distant utopia.
I had a friend tell me once, “If I could just not be around these two or three people anymore my life would be so much better!” That’s when it hit me. I think there will always be two or three people (at minimum) in my life that probably won’t naturally bring out my best or strike a string in me I don’t like. But, I don’t want my happiness to be conditional upon their presence…or absence. I don’t want to give power to any person or anything to make or break my happiness.
What I have often found is that the things I often don’t like in another person is really something I have in me. I have learned that when my first instinct is to point my finger the very next moment I should point it back at myself. The string struck is my pride as I’m forced to face the ugliness of my own character. I’m so quick to defend my ego, and when I think about it I’m not sure why, other than pride told me so and I conceded.
I know now that when conflict arises that I am probably 90% of the solution. Not implying that I am the one with all the problems, but if I see or identify a problem I am therefore empowered to bring solution or at least confrontation.
I’m grateful for my team. Each member has inspired me to value character and to pursue it. Without their help these past seven months, without their boldness to expose lies and care to speak truth, I think I would still be sitting in the filth of my pride. I credit my growth to them.
