“I am sending you out like
sheep among wolves…â€�
Thailand was the most brutal battlefield my heart has ever
experienced…
…and I loved every minute of it.
I felt things that I never knew my heart could bear. I saw
things that my mind couldn’t comprehend, even as they happened right in front
of me. I watched as women catcalled to every man that came into their bar,
waving for them to come over. Even as my teammates and I walked in, they yelled
and hollered and waved at us, giving us all the attention and desire for our
company. In that moment, I completely understood how these men felt wanted. Anyone would feel wanted walking into
that bar. I watched helplessly as a forty-year-old man led his fifteen-year-old
purchase away for the night. I listened as girls
told me how much they hated their job. I listened as women told me how much they enjoyed their job, trying to convince
themselves more than me. Through
the week of visiting the same bar, I met and talked with a handful of
prostitutes, and not one of them fooled me for a second. I heard so many of
their stories. Their stories were my stories. I looked into their eyes and it could have been any girl I know looking back at me. All of them were young and
innocent once. All of them had families. All of 
them had hopes and dreams once.
And all of them took the steps that led them to where they were. Some were
forced. Some didn’t think there was any other choice. No matter what or how or
why, they were there. And all I wanted to do was get them out. Walking out of that
bar on our last night was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I felt like I
was leaving these women to the wolves. And they were sheep. Who was going to
fight for them? Who was going to walk into their bars without wanting anything
from them? Who was going to offer love and a smile without any underlying
desire behind it? They needed a Shepard to protect them from the wolves.
Christ calls us to be His hands and His feet. But with us gone, who was going
to be that for them? I was praying and crying to God about it and this is the
picture He gave me.
I am His light. I am completely filled with it. But in my
mind, I always pictured myself as a beam of light. Wherever I pointed it, light
would shine. But when I moved it, the light no longer shone there. It only lit
up where I was, and after I left, it was gone. But God showed me that I’m not a
beam. I am a fire. And wherever fire goes, it leaves a trail. Even after it
moves to go somewhere else, it remains where it just was. It spreads. So even
as I left Thailand, the fire remains. Light is still there.
And God’s fury is
still rising up there. He is their Shepard. They just don’t
know it yet. But one day, they will follow Him along streams of life and into
green pastures where they shall not want. And there will be no wolves to come
after them anymore. I believe it!
Thank you, Lord, that You fight for them. Thank You for
everything you did through me and to me this past month. I’m forever changed.
And so is Thailand. All the glory to You, Abba!
Lighting Up the World,
~Eryn
