Pouring My Heart Out to Him

 

God asks us to pour our hearts out to Him. He asks us to approach His throne of grace with confidence. He asks us to make our requests and petitions to Him. He asks us to call on His name. He asks us to cry out to Him. So I’ve been doing nothing else. This is me pouring out my heart to Him.

 

God, I don’t know what You’re doing. I don’t understand Your ways. I know I’m not supposed to, because Your ways and thoughts are higher than mine, but You also say that You reveal the mysteries of Your heart to those who seek You. I want to know the mysteries and secrets of Your heart. I’m hurt and confused and frustrated and I’m tired of hearing words that God has given other people about me. I want to hear from You personally, God. Why are You being silent on these matters that mean so much to me? What do You want of me? Am I doing something wrong? Are you trying to teach me a lesson that I just can’t seem to get? Is this some sort of testing of my faith or perseverance? Or is this something to make me stronger? Because honestly, I feel like You’ve been testing me my whole life, working on my perseverance continuously, and been trying to make me stronger in everything. Can’t I once just have an answered prayer without all the extra stuff? I have seen You answer prayers from other people right away. I have seen You come quickly to speak and meet them. Why not me? Why is everything always so slow when it comes to me? Why does everything always have to be a long drawn out process? I know You’re with me. I never doubt that. And I never doubt Your goodness. But in my frustration and inability to understand, I’m starting to see things in ways I don’t think I should be seeing them. Like in Hebrews, it lists all the people who had such great faith, who believed in Your promises and that You would keep them, but they all died before they saw Your promises fulfilled. I don’t see how You kept Your promise with them. Or do Your promises carry over into eternity too? And they saw Your promise fulfilled there? Lord, this is a selfish desire, but I don’t want to have to wait until Heaven to see certain promises fulfilled. Abba, I need You to speak to me. I need You to answer me. Even if it’s not an answer I want to hear, please give me something! Anything! I trust in You. I do. But I’m so hurt right now and I feel like You’re the one causing it. Lord, no matter what happens though, no matter how many questions and prayers that go unanswered, my heart is Yours. There will never be any other. I will always praise You. The requests and prayers that go unanswered will never erase the ones that You have answered. The things that I don’t see happen will never erase the things that I have seen You do in my life. So thank You for all of the incredible things You’ve done already. Thank You for redemption. God, You have redeemed all of it. Thank You for restoration. You’ve restored so much. I’m still waiting on a few things there, though. Thank You that I am new. I am pure. I am holy and righteous in Your sight. Thank You for Your love, that it never fails. I will praise You through it all. Lord, You have my heart, and I will search for Yours.

 

Please pray for me, friends. Pray against confusion. Ask for clarity of mind and heart. And for a new wind of faith and trust. Ask that I would see through God’s eyes. Ask that He would reveal things to me that I need to see.