If I could sort through my thoughts about everything, I’d be in one peaceful place!! I knew that as soon as I decided to do this, Satan was going to attack me on all fronts. So I don’t know why I was so surprised when he did. Assault after assault after assault. Emotionally. Spiritually. Physically. I thought I had prepared myself. But after so much warfare, I started to lose heart. Satan kept bringing things up from my past and throwing them in my face. He’s relentlessly tempted me with old habits and thoughts. And I’ve been sick for more than two weeks now and I know it’s no coincidence. I finally realized that, yes it’s hard and yes it sucks sometimes. But looking at it from another perspective, I am so joyful! Realizing that Satan is working so hard against me fires me up because it reminds me and confirms to me that this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, and it’s going to be an increible thing. So, thoughts on my trip? I’m beyond stoked! When first making decisions to apply and go, I had my doubts. I had my fears. But with all of the confirmations and encouragements from so many people and things, I couldn’t deny that I was supposed to go. But it didn’t change how scared I was. I’m leaving everything I know and love. Serving in my church. My job. My car. My friends. Can I give all that up? Look at everything I’d be missing! I’m already missing my best friends wedding. What else am I going to miss? More weddings? People moving away? What if someone I love dies? Am I making the right decision? I can’t leave. I can’t.
Those were my thoughts for a while. But God silenced them with more encouragement and prayers and love from people who care about me. I know I’m still going to have times when I think to myself, Holy cow, I’m leaving for a year. What?! But for the most part, in the deepest part of my heart, I know this is what I’m supposed to do and that I’m exactly where God wants me. And in that, I find so much peace. And it stills my heart and quiets my mind. And all that’s left is eagerness and excitement. Come on January!!
