I lament the fact that it is easy for me to write blogs about what is going on and the fun things on the Race like our trips to the beach but it is more difficult for me to write my innermost thoughts and put my heart out there for the whole world to read. Usually just my good friends get a personal email from me about these topics but after discussing this with some of my teammates who have seen their blogs be amazing ministry tools, I have decided to be more intentional about writing more of my thoughts and interpretations rather than just the facts. So here is attempt #1.
I am appreciating the heart of our Father lately that lets us choose things. God is not an overbearing parent who thinks its necessary to make every decision an easy one or eliminate as many decisions as possible, he is actually quite the opposite. He seems to delight in setting a table before us of many things and saying, “now, choose.” Choices that are huge and affect everything and even little ones like our attitude in the morning- I am so glad that he gives us those choices. I have been convicted as of late of the things that I ask God to do that He is really asking me to do. I pray to God to change my attitude, I ask Him to walk me through healing, I ask him to bless relationships or change them, all of which are legitimate requests and worthy of prayer but I often ignore his voice that is echoing back in my heart. He says, “Erin, I want to do these things but instead of the kind of divine intervention that you seek, I have given you the authority to bring all these things to pass through your words and actions. All that is mine is yours. I did not make you a helpless victim but a powerful being that can command angels and demons, that can stir the spiritual realm and bring all of yourself in line with Me. So I will and can do all of these things, I just choose you to be the vessel. So go and make yourself busy about all the things your heart desires because that is my heart desiring them. And if you ever get confused and think it is you doing any of it then I’ll lovingly correct you and we’ll begin anew. So go. Start. I am waiting to see what you make of what I have given you. ” So now instead of feeling like waiting on God is a burden or a chore, it is exciting to see what effect I can have on the world, on my life, my healing, my attitude. I don’t want to make myself the center of my own universe and it doesn’t mean that my requests will cease, just that they are changing and becoming more like a conversation with the Lord and less like a laundry list of things I need him to do. Like a child growing up, I am beginning to taste what it means to call my Savior “Friend” not because I am in any less need of a Savior but because there is another dimension of knowing him. So I am beginning to dip my toe into the vast immensity of friendship with the Lord.
It’s a beginning isn’t it? It always is with Him.
