The low down on training camp is that I am very dirty and very tired but have never been better. The past several days have been spent living in a bunk house (nicer than I expected), showering from a hose, eating while sitting on the ground and with our hands (to practice for India and Africa), and getting to know my 50+ squad mates. None of this in itself sounds like its worth driving to Georgia and paying money for but the Spirit of God is living and active and He is here.
Everyday we are going to new depths as a group. God is using this time to bring a lot of things out of many of us that would be unnecessary spiritual baggage hanging on our shoulders on the World Race. One of the things I have been dealing with greatly is my spirit of independence.
Yesterday our squad was being divided into teams and after activities we would have a group discussion and then the leaders would meet and then our teams could be switched and then move onto other activities. My team had made it through an activity successfully with minimal changes. We were feeling good together and our attitude was overwhelmingly positive. Our next activity involved a role-play of an airplane crash that left most of us with substantial injuries. Our job was to get from were we were to “safety” which was up a huge hill to a tower. I was given a broken leg. So when the activity started we talked briefly and planned and then I set out up the hill on one leg. About halfway up I was forced to crawl because my good leg was getting tired. I was glad though, that I was out front and didn’t need the help of my teammates. To me, I was saving them energy because it was going to be tough to get to the top and I wanted to use up my own energy and effort more than depending on theirs. But I couldn’t make it the whole way and one of the guys on the team picked me up out of the dirt and helped me to the tower. I still didn’t want to lean on him and felt myself putting all my weight on my good leg, without “burdening” him with my weight that two legs are meant to carry. Before getting up to the tower I cried out in pain for the cramping and burning in my good leg.
During our debrief after the activity we discussed how we did. We were successful as a team but our morale was down. My teammates voiced that our cohesiveness was gone because some of us struck out on our own determined to get to safety without getting help. My teammates who had less injuries felt like they weren’t needed and unused even though their teammates were crawling through the dirt. I felt so discouraged because I had not realized how my desire to save my teammates from doing what I felt was my job, was robbing them of their role as teammates. I am learning to share the weight of my burdens. Here at AIM they say “it is ok to not be ok”. In order for the Lord to make me part of a unified body there are things in my heart and things in my life that must die. Dang, its hard but it is good. God is good and this next year is going to answer the prayer of my heart that God would turn me inside out and wreck me for His kingdom.
