For many, the announcement of my 11 month commitment to international missions was a huge surprise.
Heck, it was a surprise to me, too.
Life of the Party.
This is the superlative I received at my Senior Send Off for my sorority. And anyone that knew me would tell you that this superlative was spot on. My priorities were all over the place. And I was just trying to breeze through life with my head in the clouds, living day-to-day, continually putting my emotions before others.
I thought I had everything figured out. I’ll go to college. I’ll declare a pre-dental major. I’ll go to dental school right after undergrad. I’ll continue dating the same guy. We’ll get married around 25. We’ll have children when I finish school. And by 30 years old I’ll be a wife, mother, and dentist – life will be great.
Well, I graduated with a biology (pre-dental) major – but I didn’t go to dental school.
I continued dating the same guy – but not for long.
And with my 24th birthday coming up tomorrow, and me being half way across the world, it’s very clear to me that the big plans I had for myself aren’t exactly panning out. At first I was stressed, scared, and extremely frustrated about it. Does the Lord even have plans for me? Will these plans bring any joy, happiness, or clarity at all?
But you see, sometimes the plans you create for yourself aren’t even close to the plans that the Lord has for you. And you can waste your time stressing, or you can stand up, shake off the disappointment you brought on yourself, and start to walk in complete trust in what His plans are for your life.
(Go read my “Trust” blog- http://erinwaggoner.theworldrace.org/post/trust)
When I started realizing this, is when I decided to apply for this crazy adventure. Many of you who knew me, probably couldn’t help but think that I signed up for this out of my own selfish desires to just travel to world. And some of you probably even thought that this was my way of running from my pain and disappointment. And I’d be lying if I said that both weren’t a huge part of it. But over the last 4 months, God has revealed to me plenty of other reasons why I signed up – the main reason being my constant pursuit of His plans for my life, not my own.
Trusting this is where He wants me.
Finding new joy with each new day.
Learning how to truly love and have compassion for people.
Recognizing how much pain the old me has inflicted on people, seeking reconciliation, & forgiving myself for it.
And realizing that MY plans didn’t pan out because my heart and my priorities were out of focus.
However, it’s not been a walk in a park to come to this realization – it’s actually been extremely difficult. Realizing that I am not always right in situations, better yet, I am wrong. Owning up to mistakes, recognizing my impure motives, and becoming aware that I use my words as weapons that genuinely hurt people. Pointing out all of these things that have caused my heart and priorities to be out of focus was tough.
But it’s been refreshing to overcome these struggles and just hand it all to Him. And I challenge you to do this. Because His plans have already proved to be so much better than anything I ever dreamed up for myself.
Don’t worry, my Life of the Party mentality still remains- just in a little different setting and with such a better heart. I try my best to light up the room when I walk in, make my teammates laugh so hard they pee their pants, and just bring overall joy to every situation. But most of all, I try to use my words to bring life to my squad.
For the past 9 days here in Almaty, my squad has just been trusting in Him that He will lead, guide, and direct us in the direction that will benefit the Kingdom. We don’t know what that looks like at times – but we have given Him the reigns, and it has been very rewarding. A few of us have met a contact through Russian language classes, some have formed relationships with the people in our hostel, and others have trusted in God to lead them to a village on the outskirts of the city where they were taken in by an extremely hospitable family for a few days. Trusting in God leads to great things, amazing opportunities, and full hearts.
So with MY plans aside, I’m fully stepping into trust, faith, and dependence on Him and the amazing plans that He has for me and letting go of my own.
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:
My race is officially FULLY FUNDED – and I am SO SO SO grateful. Each and every one of you that contributed, big or small, will always hold an extremely special place in my heart. Having you partner with me has helped me grow closer to the Lord, challenged me to grow in community, and given me some of the most amazing experiences of my entire life. I will forever be grateful.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
May God bless each and every one of you!
Love you all so much.
By His Grace & For His Glory,
Erin Lynn Waggoner
