India Frequently Asked Questions
 
The following are some helpful hints on how to safely maneuver India should you ever happen to visit. The questions may seem odd, but here, anything goes.

Q- Where should I keep my pet cobra?
A: In a basket you throw into your messenger bag.

Q: How many people can “safely” fit in a 7 person taxi to the metro station?
A- 23

 
Q: What is the cheapest and fastest form of transportation to the Taj Mahal from the parking lot?
A: Camel cart.

Q- What shade of lipstick looks best on a performance monkey?
A- Hooker Red

Q- If a store is out of 5 Rupee peices is it acceptable to recieve change in the form of chewing gum.
A- Yes, but only if it is Orbits brand.

Q- What is the going rate for a bicycle rickshaw drive to the mall 3 miles from your current destination.
A- 30 Rupees or $ 0.75 USD

Q- What ethnic food is best to eat when you have malria and or a parasite in India?
A- There is nothing.Prepare for starvation mode.

Q- What is the proper surgical tool required for minor toe surgery at a Superspecialty Hospital?
A- A slicerblade. Or, in Hindi, box cutter.

Q- How much voltage can one shottily wired washing machine produce?
A- Enough to send a small child to the ER with 3rd degree burns on her hands.

Q- A man approaches you to take your photograph at a historical monument. What is the best course of action.
A- Adamently refuse unless he is willing to pay your 100 Rupee surcharge.

Q:What should you do if you encounter monkeys on the staircase while trying to get back inside?
A- Grab a stick. If you find yourself unequipped with a stick or large pole…..run.