It has been a really tough week, with lots of hard decisions. Last week I talked to my support coach and asked her what I needed to do to make my approaching deadline ($1000 by the first day of training camp), and I started doing as much as I could towards them. She told me to call her back a week later to see what progress was made. I started calling more people and business’, looking at bazaars I could sell things at, and any other avenue I could think of. I wrote a very hard blog. I emailed everyone I had emails for. I prayed and prayed, asking God if this door was still open or not.
A week later (Thursday), I phoned my coach again and told her all that I had done and accomplished, but that I was still $600 off my mark. I asked her if she thought my chance had already been lost. I asked her if there was still hope. She told me there was, and that she’s seen money show up at the very last minute, but I needed to really consider the possibility of not going. I needed to talk more with God. She also suggested for me to talk with my mentor.
So I took a long drive, my way of getting away and hearing God clearer. I kept asking if the door was shut, if I should shop pushing. The longer I was in my car, the more calm I felt, and the more I felt like He was saying ‘yes’ to me. So I called my mentor, and we talked a while about my motivations. We discovered that the main reason I wanted to go, was to prove to God that I am willing to do whatever He asks. My mentor told me I didn’t need to prove anything to God, He already knows I am willing. Why would I spend $14,000 to prove something to Him?
Another thought, maybe God was teaching me I needed to work a lot harder to get it. I did nothing for 2 months, and God provides for us, but only when we work for it. Maybe His way of getting me to say ‘yes’ to Ireland now, was to show me the World Race and prepare my heart to leave BBC and Boise, to move on. Maybe I just wanted WR for the adventure and traveling. I don’t have answers to these questions. All I know now is that WR is a closed door, and that I need to move on. I am okay with this. I have so much peace about it. I was not expecting that, and I am very thankful!
There are always doors to be walked through, and sometimes doors to be shut, but in the end whatever we choose to do for Christ will be used for good. WR has been closed for me, but Ireland has not. If that door also gets shut, I will take it, accept it and move on. God’s will for me is so much bigger than I can ever dream up and I am always there saying “Bring it on!” Thank you all for your support and prayers. I pray that you will continue to do so, for it is not always easy determining what His will is!
I am still planning on moving to Ireland next November with my roommates. I am so excited to know personally the Irish and let God work through me somehow. I do not know yet what His will for me is there, but I trust that it will come soon. I will be going to the National Missionary Convention next month, and hopefully I’ll meet some contacts through that. I trust in God’s timing and will. Whatever is coming, I am ready and accepting.
