I love toast. I mean I really love a fresh piece of toast with butter and jam. That’s what we have here for breakfast each morning in Malaysia: toast with butter and kaya, a wonderful spread made from coconut that reminds me of apple butter.
I also love routine, which, while that has changed every month this year, I tend to establish something resembling a routine in each new country. My “Malaysia” morning routine consists of a shower, a cup of instant coffee and TOAST. With butter and kaya, of course.
Last Saturday we had to leave unusually early for ministry in the city. I woke up and stumbled, bleary-eyed, into the kitchen to find some breakfast. No one else was up yet. I saw a plate of sandwiches on the table. Hmm. I guess Auntie made us kaya sandwiches this morning. I was slightly irritated at the fact that these were sandwiches when in fact I was rather looking forward to my morning toast. Warm, crispy, golden browntoast. I couldn’t very well take plain bread and toast it when the sandwiches were already made. That would be wasting the already-made sandwiches. So I made my coffee, grabbed the book I was reading and a sandwich, sat down at the table, and bit into my sandwich.
What. . . . was . . . THAT??
The taste rolling around in my mouth could NOT be normal. I looked at the sandwich, at what looked like spaghetti sauce oozing out of the semi-circular bite I’d taken. I slowly peeled back the bread and took a closer look.
Sardines.
These were no ordinary Malaysia morning sandwiches. They weresardine sandwiches. For breakfast. The word “sardine” shouldn’t be a part of ANY meal description, much less breakfast!
That was it. I was officially in a bad mood, and it wasn’t even 7:30. What was I to do? I silently decided I just would NOT finish this sandwich. We were heading out for ministry, and we’d pass a Starbucks on the way, and I could just buy an over-priced and extremely unhealthy banana nut muffin on the way to ministry. I just couldn’t eat a sardine sandwich for breakfast. And that was that. Passive aggression? I think so.
Okay, as if this was new news, my theme for this month is attitude. It’s no surprise that my attitude is based on my circumstances. Why it that? Well, let’s see. It’s Month 11 of the World Race, and I’m desperate for the return of my independence? I somehow think I am entitled to all my heart’s desires, like kaya toast and the freedom to stay out past curfew? Because I want to find someone to blame for the fact that I’m unhappy?
Oh when will I learn?
I have to constantly remind myself of why I’m here. Why is living on someone else’s timetable, under someone else’s roof and rules such a challenge for me? Isn’t this what I agreed to? To “die to self” and “give of myself” and “buy into this thing” and all that? Is this not what I signed up for? And yet, here I am, lamenting the continued loss of my freedom and the ability to be an adult and act like one (I don’t know, the bunk beds and pastel pink sheets this month haven’t helped that either.)
For the last few days, I have found every reason under the sun to complain, outwardly or not. The bus is late and it’s hot. The bus is early and we aren’t ready. There are 4 – yes, 4 – padlocks with 4 different keys separating the two houses of the children’s home that must be navigated several times a day. The list goes on, but it doesn’t matter.
Once again, God speaks, reminding me that I am still here. If He wanted me home already, I’d be home. But I’m not. Not for another 12 days. And simply for the fact that I have 12 more days in this season of life, I have 12 more days to learn something, to be a better person than I am today, to GET OVER MY FREAKING SELF and do this thing.
But it’s not just about the next 12 days. This is life. Stuff doesn’t work out. Stuff’s hard and unpredictable and frustrating. What am I going to do about it? Complain? Stuff the sardine sandwich back on the plate and refuse to eat it? Or am I going to hold my head up and make the most of it?
Therefore, I will
- NOT complain about circumstances beyond my control
- appreciate every moment, because I’m going to miss this like crazy very soon
- find the good in everything
- decide that others are more important than me. always.
- think before I speak
- go with the flow
- be positive. it’s so much better for everyone.
I’m pleased to say that they sardine sandwiches have not made another appearance this month, and the food we have had has been amazing! I love Malaysia!
