Living at an orphanage means there is very little alone time. Anywhere you go, you are followed by little eyes. Because of their limited English, only a few phrases get repeated over and over: “Good morning, ma’am.” “Me name?” (which actually means they are asking for your name, but somehow they all learned to say “me name?”). “Mommy daddy name?” “Sister brother name? ” “How are you?”
If I’m not in the rooms where we are staying, there are kids. The third floor of the building is unoccupied, so I often go there to run and read, study, and pray. However, the stairs at the end of the hall are frequently used by kids going up to the roof, where they dry their clothes. So almost without fail, when I run to the end of the hall, there is one or more little face saying “Good morning ma’am! How are you?”
Computers fascinate them. If you are anywhere near them and on a computer, they will come and stare at what you’re doing. This inevitably leads to them asking to see ALL your pictures, because they know that’s where they are.
I love kids, but after twenty-something days of this ministry, I got annoyed. I just want to listen to my ipod and work out without being stared at! I just want to read my Bible without having the same conversation I have with them 45 times a day! I just want to type an e-mail without an audience! I began pushing them away, ignoring their constant greetings, closing my computer anytime they wanted to peek over my shoulder. If we were doing Bible study, or playing games with them, or serving them a meal, I was fine, because “this is our ministry this month.” Otherwise, my attitude became This is my time. I’ll pay attention to you when I am supposed to.
How selfish was that? I had reached a point where I had put up far too many boundaries, and God broke me of this. I had to realize that our ministry this month is to love on these kids and to show them that a group of adults besides their three caretakers love the Lord and want to serve and learn more about him. How can I do that if I’m pushing them away? We’re here for one month to give these kids some attention from adults that they don’t normally get. This month has been frustrating for me in that orphan ministry hasn’t looked like what I thought it would. Bible study times often feel pointless, and activities don’t always go as planned. But perhaps that is because our ministry this month is simply being there.
Yesterday, I was sitting outside our room on my computer working on some writing for the much-needed website Scott is creating for the orphanage. The gate to the outside stairs was open, and one of the girls came in and stood over my shoulders to watch me type. While normally this would have caused my to stop typing and wait for her to leave, I wasn’t going to have that attitude. I stopped and said hello. She noticed that the background picture on my computer was taken on our beach trip and she wanted to see it. I showed it to her, and she noticed that she wasn’t in it. She wanted to know if I had taken any pictures of her, so I opened up my photos and we looked through all my India pictures and found ones that she was in. When all of the India pictures had been looked over, this was inevitably followed by “Mommy daddy pictures?” So we looked at all my “mommy daddy” and “brother” and “family” and “cat” pictures as well.
This was ten minutes out of my not-busy day. She and I connected over my pictures, and she was shown love in that moment. I could just have easily thought that what I was doing was my own time and ignored her until she left, but I didn’t, and she and I were both blessed in that moment.
I don’t always want to say “hello” thirty different times in the mornings, or play the same games with them over and over, or have an audience while I brush my teeth (yes, this fascinates them, even though they brush their teeth everyday), but this is what we’re called to do here this month. I can tell you that throwing off this attitude of selfishness just in the last 24 hours has been eye-opening and a blessing. I regret that we are in the last few days of our time here, but I am leaving with a new attitude toward ministry. It may not always look like what I think it should, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a purpose in it. Sometimes being there is all it takes.
