I want to thank Gateway Worship for singing the song BEAUTIFUL…made me ball my eyes out. The woman singing it is talking about God being BEAUTIFUL and of all the attributes of God this is one I have often overlooked…BEAUTIFUL. What clicked for me although my heart hasn’t fully received it is that if God is BEAUTIFUL than I have to be BEAUTIFUL because I’m made in Christ’s image.
I used to get really really angry when someone would call me beautiful or pretty even. I just always figured people were being polite or saying it because it was the Christian or nice thing to say or because they were family. It got to the point that I asked an ex (my then boyfriend at the time) NOT to call me beautiful or pretty…poor soul…he meant well.
I’ve got some deep heart scars and some physical scars I’m not too crazy about either. Somehow I’ve done a really good job of convincing myself with an extra dose of help from that LOSER satan that I’ll never really be good enough or wanted by a man…and I KNOW that’s not true…but its real difficult to live out sometimes.
So I’m not exactly sure (I seem to say this a lot ) where to go from here…other than to ask if you’re the prayin’ type that you would pray with me…that God would show me the REAL me these next 9 months…the good, the bad, and the BEAUTIFUL…but that he would expose the dark parts in me that need healing too.
It’s been raining a lot here in Nicaragua…and I actually really love the rain on the tin roof…but regardless of the rainy season here…I think its God’s subtle reminder that He’s crying out for His daughters around the world. His daughters all shapes, sizes, colors, ailments, scars and ages just don’t see themselves as BEAUTIFUL…and if they don’t see themselves as BEAUTIFUL they probably don’t see God as BEAUTIFUL either.
As much as this stinks to go through right now…I am actually THANKFUL to go through this…because the lessons learned are ones that really can be translated to other women in my life and hopefully to my someday daughters. So thanks God for being BEAUTIFUL and for beginning to peel back the layers of loveliness You already see in me.
