I’ve struggled writing a blog about Africa the last couple of weeks. So many ideas have crossed my
mind, but when I start to write, I’m blocked.
I’ve literally restarted this blog 3 or 4 times. It’s going to be a little messy and all over
the place, but hopefully it’s not too confusing!
I don’t think a blog can express the way I’ve been feeling
lately. I’m not even sure if I could
explain what I feel in person. I think
this is one of those “had to be there” months to fully understand the struggle
in my heart. God has been softening my
heart the past 7 months, but I’ve experienced nothing like this before. I feel wrecked. I feel this undeniable desire to scream out and take away all the pain of Rwanda, but I know only God can accomplish
that. At the same time, I feel so refreshed, so joyful, so hopeful and so
inspired.
My eyes are wider than they’ve ever been before. I’ve been challenged, poured into and blessed
in so many ways by people that don’t even know that’s what they’ve done. But, isn’t that what I’m here to do for
others? I’ve felt selfish, involved in
my own little world, blinded by my own desires in moments of weakness. It’s been easy for me to think I’m giving all
of myself to this calling on my life, but sometimes I question if I’ll
ever be able to sacrifice enough, give enough, serve enough. Then again, we will never be perfect and I’m
not sure I’ll ever feel like I’ve given enough after what I’ve seen and
experienced. But, these people have
changed me. The beautiful people of
Africa have given me such a different take on life and on how I live out my
relationship with Christ.
There are so many stories, so many testimonies that I’ve
heard that have wrenched my heart, but have also created a passion in me so
deep that I don’t know what to do with it at times. I find myself wanting to pull these people
out of their pain, out of the things they are experiencing, desiring to change
or erase their past that will impact them for the rest of their lives. Women and men who lost their parents and
siblings in the Rwandan genocide back in 1994, women who have been infected by
HIV because they were raped by men during the genocide, children and teenagers
who can’t afford school, but so willingly place their trust in the Lord that
they will be provided for. Stories of
street kids, stories of children who have to watch their parents pass away,
women who have been left by their husbands, teens who have turned to working in
prostitution so that they can make ends meet, the list never stops.
Every single person here has a story; a story
of suffering, a story of pain, hurt, confusion, turmoil, loss,
hopelessness. But their stories don’t
stop there…
Then I watch them worship.
I watch them call on the Lord. I
watch them TRUST Him. I see their
hope. I see their faithfulness. I see their unstoppable desire to
passionately pursue God with all that they are and all that they have. I see so much joy exhibited by their
expressive dancing and singing praises to the Lord. Nothing holds them back, nothing stops them and
nothing gets in their way. They are the
most relentless, devoted, fervent servants of Christ I think I have ever been around. IT’S THE MOST INSPIRIING
THING I’VE SEEN ON THE RACE! There
have been so many experiences and conversations that I’ve had this month that
have completely softened my heart.
To
share a few:
–
I met a 19
year old male who has experienced a lot of pain in the past and used to work in
a bar dancing for money because he had no other choice. He lost his Dad when he was young to AIDS and
is now losing his mother to AIDS that she innocently contracted through a
needle that was used on her in the hospital.
I’ve watched this same woman who has a week left to live, selflessly take
off her jacket and give it to a young girl that was cold and also give up her
seat for guests in her house. You would
never be able to tell that she was suffering because of the delight on her face
and the strength and altruistic attitude she depicts through her actions. She has more joy than many people I have met
and her son worships in the church choir every night of the week. You would never be able to tell that anything
was wrong because of the hope they both exhibit in God. (We also had the
opportunity to celebrate his 19th birthday with him. It was the FIRST time he had EVER celebrated
a birthday.)
–
I spoke
to a girl who is 20, works 7 days a week, 365 days a year and makes $60 USD a
month. Her mother passed away when she
was 11 and she has two younger brothers, one whom is 17 and is dying of
cancer. She desires to go to school, but
can’t afford it. Despite all the
struggle, her response was always, “I know God will provide. He always has and I know He will. I am always patient in Him,” as she pointed
upwards towards the sky.
–
I’ve
heard the story of a 22 year-old male that now lives alone because his parents
passed away in the genocide when he was 4.
He received a serious injury on his foot during the time of the
genocide, but I’ve watched as he refuses to allow the pain to hold him back
from freely worshipping by running and jumping up and down. We also had the opportunity to be witnesses
on the day he gave his life to Christ.
The stories are endless, but they all end with one thing in
common — Faith. Their faith has
encouraged me to live out my life in a whole new way, but that would take
another blog to explain. Maybe when I
get around to it, I’ll write it. Haha
I will never forget the stories I’ve heard and I will never
forget the people here. They have
blessed us beyond what I could even fathom and I am so grateful. I have been so humbled by their generosity
and willingness to serve for an audience of only One. My heart is being continuously molded and I
have gained a fresh perspective of how to respond when I experience hardship in
my own life. I desire to imitate the
example of the people of Rwanda and their faith.
This is definitely going to be the hardest country
for me to leave this far on the Race, but I thank God that I have had the
chance to be here and experience the Rwandan’s way of life.
In their shoes, they have experienced a lot of suffering and
hardship that is hard to explain in words, but in reverence and awe of the
Lord, they worship, they trust Him and they have faith in the things they’ve been promised.
Nothing holds them back.
I want to live my
life like that.
I want to be found in their shoes.
