I can honestly say living in 24/7 community is something that God has given me the grace and power to do.
Liiiike, who does this in real life??
On New Years Eve day I was trying to decide what to do that night to celebrate. So when I couldn’t decide I logged into my AIM account, determined to take the infamous Myers Briggs personality test. Just wanted to see if I changed at all since the beginning of the Race. I was certain that being in so much community for so long would make me a little more extroverted, or something like that. But when my results popped up, I laughed because the bar next to “Introvert” had stretched out even more and I only had one point and a little stump of a bar next to “Extrovert”.
I also increased more in “Judgment” even though I’m still much more of a “Perceiver”. [Guess that means I’m a little less wishy washy. Still couldn’t make up my mind about what to do New Years Eve.. I ended up at a BBQ]
Back to being introverted. I remember loving my space at home, and now I see how truly valuable it is. I could easily go on outings with my mom or a friend. We’d go to Target, dinner, and those things didn’t zap me of energy because I knew I’d always return back to the space reserved just for me. I’d serve at church, go over to friends houses and stay up late, watch movies, babysit. I could be the perfect amount of social and still thrive because there was always space to create whatever I wanted: time to process in my journal, my bible, or in a hot bath with some yummy smelling candles.
For anybody who likes having their own time and is considering coming on the Race, I’ll just tell you.. it’s going to be hard.
But that shouldn’t stop you from coming. Not if God’s calling you.
So according to good ole’ Myers, I’ve become even more introverted since before the World Race. In my understanding, if that’s true, it would be absolutely absurd for me to go on here; to continue on the Race. I remember getting burnt out prior to the Race, and I had the time to get away. Right now I should be burnt out, wasted, over relationships, needing to get away from everything World Race-related, because its mostly about community and not having any time to yourself [unless you literally don’t sleep].
But I’m not burnt out. And I don’t hate people. And this hasn’t felt impossible [not saying there won’t be days where you want to go home].
The fact that I’ve grown more introverted than before and that it doesn’t correlate with my attitude regarding the Race, says something. I find myself loving my team more every day, making an effort to invest in others daily, loving where I’m at, even if I’ve had a few choice words for ‘community’ some days..
Well, the only explanation I have for loving something that should completely stress me out is, God is doing a miracle.
In this moment I can feel His tangible presence creeping over me and the inkling I get from Him is, “You can do it because you aren’t doing it from your own strength.”
On the Race I’m learning that when God calls me to something, I have the ability to be filled with His power, something I haven’t ever needed [or thought I ever needed] because I haven’t really been in situations where I needed it. Right now I walk in power and it’s evident in the form of peace and joy and ease. And not only so, but I carry ever increasing levels of authority because of the anointing He has placed on my life and due to a constant yielding to His call.
I used to be a Christian who dragged my feet as I walked through life and I thought that was the way it should be. We’re supposed to endure suffering so I thought I should let my problems wash over me and do my best to not be completely overwhelmed by them. Most of the time I got by, only because I wore a mask for as long as my problem endured.
I want to challenge more people in the church to start letting down their masks. God is a God who restores and heals! He is waiting for hungry people to put their faith in Him to bring restoration and healing. One of the first steps is allowing ourselves to be broken before Him. I did that at training camp. Admitted I have been trying to do this alone for so long and I’m tired.
“God I need you.” I grieved for a bit.
Something else I came to understand is that for a long time I lived out of a ‘poverty mindset’. I probably can’t explain that theology the best, but its basically when we live with the belief and attitude that we are “less than” and we usually do so in the name of suffering for Christ or in the name of humility. Those concepts aren’t bad, they’re godly, but I believe they’ve been misunderstood by believers [including myself] a lot.
I want to spend more time [and more blog] explaining this, but in effort to not be too wordy in this blog, I will explain more in ‘Part 2’. So please stay tuned!
Also, if you feel led between now and Part 2 to help me stay on the mission field, I still need $2,352 in order to be fully funded! We have surpassed our final deadline, but we’ve been extended a ‘grace period’ to make the rest of our support. If you would like to help support me in staying on the field it is super easy, just click here!
Love,
E
