Hello comrades! In case you were afraid that I had a) forgotten you, or b) fallen off the face of the earth, I would like to put those fears to rest. My lack of communication is simply due to poor internet availability, distractions that are exciting, and my notoriously non-urgent personality. My sincerest apologies.
I am writing to you from my temporary bedroom in Malawi. I can’t believe I’m here already! We are almost halfway through our SECOND month of ministry! I’ve heard that on the World Race, the days are long but the year is short, and I 110% agree with that. It’s almost surreal, considering I only left Iowa like ten minutes ago. Malawi is gorgeous, the people are kind, and (shocker alert!) I love it here! This month we are in the city of Lilongwe, which is equal parts actual city, African marketplace, and remote bush village. We’ve had access to pizza and ice cream this month, but not internet. Which is fine because food wins all showdowns in my world anyway, however I would like to check in a little more.
I know that all of my brief Facebook statuses and emails have pretty much said the same thing: I love Africa, I’m doing fine, I miss home but not too much. Don’t worry about me. Everything is great. I would like to explain myself a little more, because I’m a “whole picture” kinda girl. All of those things I’ve said are true. This journey I’m on is not an easy one. I’m doing work to change the lives of others, but mine is changing just as much (if not more). I’m seeing and experiencing things that are not nice. That are hard. I don’t like everything. Refinement is not a smooth process, and there are days where I feel like I’m being ripped apart. Still, the Lord keeps confirming that, at least for now, I’m right where He wants me. I always tell people that I’m someone who has to learn everything the hard way. I have to make The Mistake to learn The Lesson. I can’t go on the advice of others, I never have been able to. Now, if someone told me that jumping off of a bridge would feel bad, I would trust that. But anytime someone has ever said, “don’t get involved” or, “it will hurt” or, “you deserve better than that,” I have to admit that it’s usually fallen on deaf ears. I feel sorry for anybody who has ever tried to look out for me on the front end, then had to help me pick up the pieces after things went south. I struggle with the hard lessons, and have to learn and relearn them. These last couple of months have been some of the richest of my life, but also some of the most difficult. I’ve been able to adjust to being dirty, hungry, uninformed, exhausted, shoved on a bus with 37 people and 31 seats. I’ve had to work a little harder to adjust to being vulnerable with people, being the sensitive one, having to stare down my deep-set feelings of inadequacy, the feeling that God is not speaking to me. It’s hard to rationalize, because I’m obviously on the World Race. I can and do hear God’s voice. I’ve acted on it. I’m terrified that people will start to question whether or not I truly belong here, if I can’t get my act together. Then there’s the raging complex I have about being the oldest person on my team and also the resident basketcase. The enemy isn’t holding back, folks. He doesn’t usually.
This isn’t supposed to be a Negative Nancy blog, but for all of those who are wondering how I’m doing and how to pray for me, I present my struggles before you. I’m trying to be more open and vulnerable with my team and one of our squad leaders. These incredible women lift me up continually in prayer and encourage me daily. I am very blessed. And I still believe that Africa is amazing. It’s so so so different from anything I’ve ever known, sometimes in uncomfortable ways. Since we’ve been here, I’ve prayed over people and seen them healed! People are giving their lives to Christ! I realized early on that even if God brought me here to the other side of the world to pray over just one person, to tell just one person about the freedom of God’s salvation, then sent me home tomorrow, it would all have been worth it. I believe He is doing something great before me, in me, and through me. The world, the human race, is exponentially more beautiful that I could have ever imagined. Even through my struggles, I am changing and growing and gaining speed and influence. So, when I’m saying I’m having a great time, believe me.
“Forget the former things;
Do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not see it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19
Hello, my name is Wilderness.
Love you guys,
Erin
