If I had to guess, I’d say that someone who is about to leave their home for a long time has the same look as someone who is brand new in town. Kind of a far-away longing, wandering about with wide and watery blue eyes, staring at every piece of life as if seeing it for either the very first or very last time.
Is it just me?
In three days and roughly five hours, I’m getting on a plane and leaving the great state of Iowa behind for almost a whole year. On paper this sounds very exciting. In reality, it’s excruciating. And, you know, really exciting. In the interest of self disclosure, I’m going to let you (you ridiculously good-looking reader, you!) in on a secret: I’m not, by nature, an adventurous person. I’ve never possessed a huge desire to travel the world. I’m not a camper, I don’t hike, I don’t really know the rules of soccer, I hate flying, I’ve never been outside of the United States. So when I heard that small, quiet call inside of me to apply for the World Race, I knew it had to be a “God thing.” And when I ignored the whisper of God, He spoke louder. And when I ignored that, He roared. I bet you’re sensing the pattern by now. Since I’m obviously blogging about going on the race, you can probably guess how well saying “no” to God has gone for me. So, instead, I said yes. And “yes” has me boarding a plane for Atlanta at 7:19 a.m. this Friday.
Life leading up to the race is like a storm. I have 20,000 loose ends to tie up. People to spend time with. Just today, I took back like $15 worth of cans. (Note: I know that doesn’t sound very impressive, but if you do the math, that’s like 300 cans, and for me, going to the bottle return place is akin to going to the DOT which I imagine is similar to going to hell.) I had to figure out what to do with all of my stuff. I had to find the resources to obtain a year’s worth of insulin. I had to ask someone to become my power of attorney so they can do my taxes. Lots and lots of things that sound very adult but in truth are just busy work. And I can’t believe how much STUFF that I own. I’m single. I don’t need much. I’ve thrown away more things in the last two weeks than I have in my whole life. If you ever get the chance to throw a whole bunch of stuff away, I encourage you to do it. It’s freeing.
In addition to all of the physical things, there’s a lot of feelings going on. Yes, I’m excited. Yes, I’m nervous. Mostly when people ask how I’m feeling, I respond with “I’m ready to be gone.” This isn’t a commentary on my feelings toward here. I of course will miss my home. But honestly, I’m tired of saying goodbye. Every time I see someone, I have to decide to what degree I need to say goodbye. I hate goodbye. I feel like stomping my feet every time I have to tell someone goodbye. Like a child, but we all know homegirl is almost 30…
All tantrums aside, when I slow down and look at my life, this last month has been incredible. I had to raise about $4,000 in a matter of weeks in order to launch with my team. So, my friends and I threw together a fundraiser in six days. A super successful fundraiser, by the way, with little to no experience. I was floored at how many people showed up, used their talents, served faithfully and selflessly, and supported me financially. It’s been almost a month, and I still can’t wrap my head around it. People I didn’t even know showed up. Friends from my past and present. People brought their parents! I was so well loved and so well cared for that night, and I was able to make my financial goal because of it! God is so good. When I have my druthers, I know that the Lord has promised to provide for me, and He has, BIG TIME! And not only me, but my whole entire squad has now officially met their second fundraising goal, meaning we all get to launch together! Praises.
This is my favorite picture from the night of my Spaghetti fundraiser… me, brushing my teeth in the kitchen, while my friends rush around doing the hard work of throwing a large event in six days.
Another milestone of World Race preparation is quitting your job. Unless you have a really cool job that will let you take a leave of absence for more than a couple of months, this is probably something that will come up. This was BY FAR the hardest thing for me. If you’ve ever wondered what someone who loves their job looks like, then hey! Hi. Howareya? For the last five years, I’ve worked as a nurse’s aide in a long-term care facility for disabled children. I remember when I first started working there, I spent a considerable amount of time crying in the bathroom, because I thought I would never, ever, EVER be good at the job, never be what those kids needed. I prayed that God would reveal to me whether or not I should stay or go. And then, something wonderful happened: I fell in love with those children. Hard. I realized how special my job was, and once I knew how deeply I cared for the kids, I suddenly found I was great at it. So, I’ve spent a sunny, glorious five years caring for some of the coolest, most special kiddos anyone has ever had the pleasure to meet. I’ve learned much about the character of God by caring for people who cannot care for themselves. I’ve learned to take joy from comforting someone who could never thank me. I’ve spent so much of my life laughing because of those kids. And now, our time together is over. For a little while. I feel only gratitude for the path that I’ve come down, and I am already thankful for the new people I will be devoting my life to over the next 11 months. People are really worth it. I’d fight anyone who said any different 🙂
Tonight was my last Bible study with my precious community group. It wasn’t bittersweet, it was joyful. One of my leaders and his wife had me over early for dinner, and afterwards everyone stuck around late to pray over me. It was another example of how well cared for I am by my people. I was afraid there would be tears, but I felt only pure love and joy and peace about everything. And surety. I’m really leaving on Friday, and it’s really what God wants for my life. I think that for most of this journey, I’ve held on to the possibility that all of this was only a dream and wasn’t reeeeeeally going to happen. I don’t always feel like the right girl for the job. But maybe I don’t know everything.
This will probably be my last blog before I’m actually in the field. Which is good, I’m sure we’re all getting a little tired of talking about my feelings. To recap: I am very excited, slightly nervous, and getting antsier by the day to leave. I still have a thousand things to do, a thousand people to meet with, but at least now I can cross “WRITE BLOG” off of my to-do list 🙂 I am a blessed woman. I can’t wait to share this journey with you all. Thank you for loving me and supporting me in this new season of my life. It’s not always happy, but saying “yes” to God will always, ALWAYS be worth it. And for those who are interested, I still need to raise about $5,000 before I’m fully funded. I’m also pretty sure that I’ve left my cell phone in the backseat of my friends’ car. And I still have a thousand things to do, did I mention?
My Bible study leader, Guy(his real name!) pointed me to this scripture tonight:
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Messiah has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father also loves the one born of Him. This is how we know that we love God’s children when we love God and obey His commands. For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now His commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. And who is the one who conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 1 John 5:1-5
And just like that, my anxiety is gone 🙂
Thanks for reading, family!
Erin
