“Our lives are defined by opportunities. Even the ones we miss.” (Benjamin Button)
Here in Harbin, China, U-Squad has stayed in really nice accommodations – an apartment complex with several rooms subleased to us for our weeks here; 3-5 people per room. Some of my favorite interactions have been with other residents of these apartments. One such individual, who has such a special place in my heart, is a young woman whose English name is Candy. It’s such a fitting name for her. She has the sweetest smile and a bubbly personality. We (my teammates and I) first met her Sunday, September 15, in the lobby of the apartment. We small talked for a bit, and invited her to join us for dinner that night.
At dinner, with the help of her handy Mandarin-to-English iPhone app, we conversed and found out that Candy is 23, has lived in Harbin her whole life, and recently quite her nursing job. “Much much hard. Working all the day. Many girls want to be nurse. I quit and another girl right away get the job.” I couldn’t imagine having to survive, much less thrive, in such a high-stress, high-performance environment…
After dinner, we invited Candy to our room, where we had so much fun talking/pantomiming about American pop culture – of which, she is easily more informed than I. “Who more famous in America? Katy Perry or Lady Gaga? On Prison Break, all his tattoos are only painted on him, I read in magazine!” etc..
As she got ready to leave for the night, Candy invited us to come to her apartment, for a home-cooked Chinese meal on Wednesday – which she quickly rescheduled for Thursday after she remembered a previous commitment. I got her email address and room number, and excitedly anticipated dinner on Thursday and getting to spend more time with this sweet woman.
Fast forward to Thursday, September 19 – it’s the first day of the national Autumn Moon Festival. My teammates and I headed home from ministry to meet up with Candy for dinner. When we knocked on her apartment door to no response, I felt so defeated and disappointed in myself. “I had her email address. Why didn’t I contact her?!” I thought. My teammates were so encouraging to me, but still I felt responsible missing her. Would we be able to connect with her at a later time?
We went back to our room to decide dinner plans when Lauren said, “Let’s go to Candy’s room again just to check.” As soon as we got off of the elevator on her floor, Candy got off of the next elevator! She’d forgotten about Moon Festival, and we rescheduled our dinner plans for the next Monday, September 23. Yay, redemption.
Around 11pm that night, we heard a knock at our door – it was Candy! She wanted to know if any of us had just knocked on HER door. “Umm…no, we didn’t.” She could tell we were getting in bed so she said, “Ok.” and left as I shut the door. As soon as I shut the door, I turned to the girls and said, “Should I have let her in?!” “Yes! Run!” So I ran down the hall to the elevator and she was nowhere to be found. I called up the stairwell “Candy!” no response. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a heavier disappointment in myself; a more present “I missed the mark” feeling. I literally slammed an open door, an opportunity to minister and love on this women brought right to me.
As I fought back tears while I walking back to my room, the Lord whispered to my spirit, “If you always got it right, you wouldn’t need Me.” So gracious is He. There is no condemnation for though who are in Christ. (Romans 8:1)
Was this the first open door I neglected to seize? No. Will it be the last? Sadly, probably not. I strive to take advantage of the opportunity during its brief lifetime – whatever it may be. I also humble myself to receive Christ’s gentle correction and steady uplift. I rejoice in the fact that I don’t always get “it,” this life, right all of the time, because if I did, where would my dependence on Him be? Oh, how I need Him.
There is more to tell about Candy, and God’s direction in our interactions, to come.
From my heart,
Erika Venese
