In October I was reading through Proverbs and I came to this verse: Proverbs 17:3 “The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests hearts.” Refining hearts was a topic that came up several times in reference to gold and silver so I did a little study into it. In order for the impurities to be removed from gold and silver it has to be heated over fire in a matsreph; a melting pot. The fire causes the dross; or the impurities to be brought to the surface allowing it to be removed from the surface. In the way that gold and silver are refined by the fire, so are the hearts of men and women as they as they go through life.
The World Race is a matsreph, it’s my current matsreph. Like gold heated in the fire the WR has brought many of my impurities to the surface.
This past month my impurities have been more of my fears and insecurities. Who knew I had so many? At the beginning of the month I was asked to be a team leader. I wanted to answer no but I did what good christian’s do and said I would pray about it. When I prayed, God showed me that not wanting to be a leader had more to do with insecurities and fear of failure than anything else. What if the girls on my team don’t want me to be their team leader? Worse, what if they just don’t like me? What if they think I am too much of a planner? Or what if they don’t feel like I am doing what they think I should be? What if I mess something up? Doubt and fear piled up inside of me.
I was reminded of a conversation with my team a few months before about wanting to grow and place myself in situations where I didn’t excel, knew I couldn’t do it on my own, or situations where I was afraid. God had just placed another one in my lap. Would I allow myself to be refined, or would I allow insecurities to determine my actions?
I chose to be a team leader, and for “Womanstry” month have been a team leader for team Paix. This past month was such a blessing. Paix means peace in french, and while our ministry around us was chaotic at times, our team was a place of peace. The women that I was blessed to be on a team with are encouraging, brave, loving, talented, passionate, and have hearts that have such a deep desire to draw closer to God. They chose to speak life into me in an area they didn’t even know I needed it. They encouraged me as a leader, and spoke life into me by sharing the leadership qualities the Lord has given me.
This month the Lord showed me some dross that needed to be removed and it can be summarized as a fear of man. I care a lot about what people think my motivation is. Instead of doing something that I feel like God has called me to do, or act on something He has given me a heart for I hold back. I worry about the people who will think I am just trying do the proper christian thing, be the good christian girl instead of seeing my heart behind it. Second, I realized I struggle with competition and comparing myself to others. What if what I do doesn’t measure up to what every one else does?
This month God spoke a few simple truths to me.
He know’s my heart. He know’s my motivation and that is what matters.
That competition? It doesn’t exist unless I create it. God has a path for me that He doesn’t have for anyone else. No one else can do what God has meant for me to do.
