I thought I had done a pretty good job of preparing myself for the simplicity and uncomfortable moments of the World Race. I came ready to give up the comforts of home, ready to wear the same clothes for 11 months, sharing small living spaces with my team and limited food options. I even knew there was a real possibility that there would be long periods of time without coffee. I was pleasantly surprised our first month when we were blessed and didn’t have to go without any of the comforts of home. Our second month led us to a place less comfortable.
This month I am bunking in a room with 15 other girls, and there is a pig farm directly behind where we sleep and when the wind blows in our direction the smell is anything but pleasant. We have squatty potties instead of toilets and those took some getting use to. There are flies in our room all the time, and the meals haven’t had much variety. None of this really bothered me until Tuesday.
What happened Tuesday you ask?
For five days I had done a lot of sleeping, or just laying in bed and had taken a trip to the hospital. I was tired of lying around and missing out on the fun of being with my squad on beach outings and the every day laughter that came with being together. Missing out on these fun moments and feeling separated from every one was a fear that I had before I came on the race. So when a few girls came in from their day laughing and talking about about their day, that was my breaking point.
All of the sudden I was tired of being uncomfortable. In the past week uncomfortable had reached a new level for me. So many comforts, and things that I take for granted were gone. At that moment I wanted to be back in the US, I wanted air condition and to be curled up in my bed. I wanted a normal toilet and a shower that wasn’t in the same stall as the squatty potty. I was sick of laying under a sheet just to keep the flies from landing on me and I was over the smell of poop. I wanted privacy. I wanted to be able to eat normal food, food that I wanted too and I wanted my body to process it the way it is suppose to! I wanted to be in squad pictures and have the energy to do normal every day stuff. I couldn’t even drink coffee!
In the moment I let myself lay there under the sheet and cry. After a few minutes I was reminded of Paul. Paul, who spent time in prison. Prisons that were probably dark, smelly, and damp. He probably had some fly friends, and even some rats. I think its safe to assume that the food left something to be desired. He suffered a lot for the sake of the gospel, time and time again he was beyond uncomfortable (2 Cor 11:23-27, Phil 4:12-14). So how in the world did this man remain so in love with God and so unwavering?
His joy wasn’t in his physical comfort. His hope wasn’t in his abilities. His peace wasn’t based on his circumstances. And mine? When all of that was stripped away it showed me where my heart really was at. More of my hope, joy and peace were in my physical abilities, comfort and surroundings than I had thought.
That is not where I want my hope, my joy and my peace to be. I want to be able to rejoice in ALL situations simply because my hope, joy and peace are in my Heavenly Father. My prayer has become this ” Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way ever lasting.” -Psalm 139: 23-24
Will you be praying that for me as well?
