These first couple of days in Cambodia have been intense.
We had cultural briefings and orientation. The World Race is really into honing in
on spiritual gifts- particularly prophesy (mostly in the 1 Corinthians 14:3
context: “On the other hand, the one who prophesies speaks to people for their
up building and encouragement and consolation.”). We are to pray for each other and try to hear from God about
who He created each other to become, and try to help draw that greatness out of
each other. Practicing this skill
and developing it will benefit not only our team, but also the people we are
here to serve and minister to.
We were sent away to pray for the squad and our teams, and
we were to return to the group an hour later. I always think that God doesn’t talk to me- so this is a
wonderful environment for me to practice listening to His voice, and learning
to differentiate it from my own thoughts. I was praying not only for the squad, but also for
where I am supposed to be in life after this race- maybe here in Cambodia,
maybe in Thailand. I was thinking
about how sad it will be for me to leave these children I love so much already
(even though I haven’t met them yet).
I know how attached I get to people, and I was wondering how
I can possibly leave these children in one month. It made me feel scared-like I should try to hold back some
part of my heart… but I don’t actually know how to do that. I felt anxious about the heartbreak I
know is coming.
I kept hearing “give it away” like, “Give away all of my
love. It is flowing forth from
Jesus- and He will never run out.
And when we need to leave, He will not stop pouring His love into me. He is equipping me to love these
children because He loves them so very much. But He also loves ME so much- and He will be here to comfort
me and bind up my broken heart once we leave here. I am not to hoard the love and blessings He gives to me, I
am to let it all pass through my fingers and have faith that it will keep
flowing from its infinite source.
After everyone who wanted to share had done so, we were
instructed to divide into our teams and get into a circle and close our
eyes. Laura, our squad leader,
would tap one person on the shoulder and they would step into the middle so
that no one would know who was in there.
We were to begin praying to ourselves about this person, and try to hear
from the Lord. I was
delighted with how much God was talking to me! He gave me things to say to everyone! It was very encouraging to me because I
really do struggle to find words to lift people up sometimes, and I don’t want
to just make up superficial things that won’t bring life to the people I love.
Then it was my turn to go in the middle. In my head I heard, “no one will have
anything nice to say to you”. I
stood in the center and waited for it to be over so I could get out- I was very
uncomfortable. And then people
started speaking. One teammate
said that they just saw this bright radiating light enter the circle. Another said that they saw a big field
of gerbera daisies. Another said
that the word “powerful” kept coming to their mind. Another said, “firm but gentle, protective”. Another said that he had been hearing
song lyrics in his head, and when I walked into the circle the volume increased
and he saw a burst of sunlight. I
am kind of sensitive to begin with (yes- major understatement), so there were
tears streaming down my face as my team said these things to me. And the Lord spoke directly to me while
I was in the middle of that circle.
And the word that I heard was “healing”.
I thought that I came on the Race to bring freedom and
healing to other people. I did not
even realize how broken I still was from things that have happened in my life
until many of my comforts and all of my privacy and autonomy were stripped away. In my quest to free and heal other
people, I believe that my Abba has found a sneaky way to get me to face some of
my past and… heal.
This is so much more of an adventure than I signed up
for.
