As some of you might know, my husband left for his
deployment last Thursday. Before
leaving, we decided to move our dog, cat and myself up to Massachusetts where I
would be staying for the month I have left before launching to Cambodia.
So move we did.
We packed up our cat Mischief (aptly named-to live with my sister Elyssa) and our dog Carbide (our
giant Newfoundland-to live with my mom and step-dad) into my little green Beetle, and Jaimie drove the
u-haul. He had the GPS, so I
followed him.
Some of you might also know, that there are many, many tolls
going up the eastern seaboard from Maryland to Massachusetts. I followed Jaimie through the first
one, and do you know what the tollbooth attendant told me? He said, “Go on through, he already
paid for you”. It just made me
smile because even though we have a joint account, that was such a “Jaimie” thing to do.
But during the next several hours of driving, I really
started to think about it. We do
not get this view of Jesus having paid our toll, at least not on this side of
Heaven. We are told that He has,
and that is certainly the stance in the Bible, but it is really cool to think
about it. You can just pass right
through. It is okay that you don’t
have exact change, or even any cash at all- Jesus paid your way. You are with Him- so you can drive
right on through.
A husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loves the
church. This is a difficult thing
to do- being only 100% human as we are and lacking the 100% divinity that our
Lord contained simultaneously. I
love it when the Lord provides little reminders of His love for me through my
husband’s love for me. It makes me
love them both even more.
In Quiet Talks on Prayer by S.D. Gordon (by the way, dear
reader, you should read this book) he talks about how if we are to understand
God’s will, we must understand His character. In our human brains, we can only really understand God
through analogy, so here goes.
Gordon submits that we can (in part) understand God as compared to these
five human relationships:
1.
Father- loving strength. “A father plans, and provides for, and
protects his loved ones. If you
will think of the finest father ever you knew that anybody ever had; think of
him now. Then remember this, God
is a father, only He is so much finer a father than the finest father you ever
knew of. And His will for your
life- I am not talking about heaven, and our souls just now, that is in it too-
His will for your life down here these days is a father’s will for the one most
dearly loved.”
2.
Mother- great, patient, tender, fine-fibred,
enduring love. “What would she not do for her loved
one! You think of the finest
mother ever you knew. Then remember this: God is a mother, only He is so much
finer a mother than the finest mother you ever knew. The references in scripture to God as a mother are
numerous. ‘Under His wings’ is a
mother figure. The mother-bird
gathers her brood up under her wings to feel the heat of her body, and for
protection… His will for us is a mothers’ will, a wise loving mother’s will for
the darling of her heart.”
3.
Friend- “one who loves you for your sake only and
steadfastly loves without regard to any return, even a return love. If you will think for a moment of the
very best friend you ever knew anybody to have. Then remember this: God is a friend. Only He is ever so much better a friend
than the best friend you ever knew of.
And the plan He has thought out for your life is such a one as that word
would suggest.”
4.
Lover- the holiest emotion, the highest
friendship. “What would he not do
for her! She becomes the new human
centre of his life. In a good
sense he worships the ground she treads upon. And she-she will leave wealth for poverty if only so she may
be with him in the coming days.
She will leave home and friends, and go to the ends of the earth if his
service calls him there. You think
of the finest lover, man or woman, you ever knew anybody to have. Then remember this, and let me say it
in soft, reverent tones, God is a lover- shall I say in yet more reverent
voice, a sweetheart-lover. Only He
is so much finer a lover than the finest lover you ever knew of. And His will, His plan for your life
and mine-it hushes my heart to say it-is a lover’s plan for his only loved
one.”
5.
“Husband- the most hallowed relationship on
earth, the lover relationship in its perfection stage. In God’s thought, a husband is a lover
PLUS. He is all that the finest
lover is, and more; more tender, more eager, more thoughtful. Two lives are joined, and begin living
one life. Two wills, yet one. Two persons, yet one purpose. Duality in unity. Will you call to mind for a moment the
best husband you ever knew any woman to have. Then remember this that God is a husband; only He is an
infinitely more thoughtful husband than any you ever knew. And His will for your life is a
husband’s will for his life’s friend and companion.”
Understanding the nature of God is something I have
struggled with. I was
indoctrinated with some very heavy theology when I was just a wee Christian,
and I don’t think that I had the foundation (not having been raised in a
Christian home) to really understand what I was being taught. I have had this view of a Judge-God,
and something of an unknowable, untouchable God. A God who already knows everything, so He doesn’t care about
my input- so what is the point to prayer?
I really don’t have any answers, and I haven’t walked this one out yet,
but I do know this.
The Lord has blessed me with some wonderful examples of love
in my life. In particular, my
husband Jaimie. It still humbles
me- the redemption that I have found in this marriage. How does a girl who has done just about
everything wrong wind up with such a servant leader? An absolute alpha-male, strong enough to lead such an
independent, prideful, and rebellious soul such as my own, but with the
lightest, gentlest touch? He so
prefers me. He delights in
me. And I will follow him to the
ends of the earth.
And God loves me even more than the greatest lover- my
lover? His plan for my life is
ever more perfect and personal even than Jaimie’s and my plan for our
life? How can such a thing
be? The Lord is so infinitely more
thoughtful than Jaimie for me (and me for him) that it probably makes our
tokens of love look so trite. I
can’t even imagine.
For many of you, these revelations must sound very
basic. You probably have a much
deeper and truer understanding of our Lord- and how wonderful that must
be! For me, it is baby steps. Internalizing the theology- not just
reading about it… infinitely more difficult. For now, I am just trying to understand how it is possible
to love more than I love Jaimie, and be adored more than he adores me.
Oh how He loves us….
