Since I found out about this missions trip-and especially since I was accepted to go on it, I have had this thought that I can’t seem to shake out of my head.
The hubbs and I plan to start a family when I return from the trip and he returns from his deployment. We have it all worked out, and are really excited about becoming parents. However- adoption is really, really on my heart as well.
I used to strongly dislike children, but after I graduated college, I started watching my favorite professor and his wife’s three little darling girls. Two were adopted from China and one from Kazakhstan. That experience changed everything for me, and really made me want to adopt as well.
Anyway, I keep thinking about this little Thai girl that I guess my subconscious thinks that I will meet while I am on this trip. I want so badly to take her home with me. It keeps me up at night. I cry for her. I have looked up the laws for adoption of children from Thailand, and it is really involved (as I’m sure all adoptions are) not to mention super expensive. I think that I am having trouble coming up with $7300 for this trip? Yeah- adoptions could cost anywhere between $20,000-$45,000! I can’t even imagine that kind of money.
Specifically, I would like to adopt a young girl who has been working in a brothel. Thinking about her makes me want to change everything about my life. My heart has broken for this little face belonging to a girl who I have never met. Yes-I know that this is incredibly stupid, but that is where i am at.
My husband and I were trying to foster a boy who had been trafficked domestically about 8 months ago. We went to court. We were fighting for him. He was a great kit- but actually not a kid. He had just turned 18, but was still a ward of the state. I told him that we loved him so much already, and we wanted to adopt him. We wanted him to know that he had a family now, and we wanted to be there for him and help him get his life squared away. I was going to home school him to get his GED and we wanted him to go into Job Corps (it seemed like the best option for him). It ended up falling through, and we were really sad about it. But at the same time, my husband’s little sister ended up coming out to live with us for 6 months, and that ended up being rather a full time obligation.
I have been praying to God that if this is His will, He would magnify this desire and make a way for us to adopt one of his precious lambs. And if this is not His will, that He would remove this desire from my heart and close the doors.
I also feel a lot of guilt about this desire. Afterall- who am I to think that I can just waltz into another country, into a culture totally different from mine, and say that “I am here to save you. Come with me and your life will be better.” That is so arrogant! I just want to love this young girl, but I am not sure of how to go about it.
If you think of me, please pray for this. I need wisdom and guidance.
