DISCLAIMER: I fully understand that this blog will make me sound like a crazy. I know that before this trip I would’ve read a story like this, made a million excuses to not believe it and go on with my day thinking whoever wrote that is off their rocker. But, this is a true story, and I have to tell what happened.
So to begin, I’ve always been a “Christian”. I attended a Christian school K-college. Most of my friends at home are “Christian” and we go to church a few times a month. I used to pray when I found myself in hard situations. And when I ended up in the Hell sermon at church, I would pray and make sure everything was cool between the Big Guy and myself. I thought the stories of Jonah and Daniel were a little bit ridiculous, but the Bible was a good story. But, now I’m a different kind of Christian. Now, although I have so much more to learn and understand about my Creator, I get it.
When I left on this trip in January I had a few goals in mind. I wanted to DO something. I wanted to serve the poor, feed the hungry, and love the broken-hearted. I was excited to surround myself with Christians who could encourage a deeper relationship with God that I couldn’t seem to understand before. I wanted to travel and see different countries and cultures. I wanted to leave the monotony and meaninglessness that surrounded my life at home. But, secretly, I also wanted to see tangible evidence that there is a God.
I’ve always been a logical kid. My mom taught me multiplication by sorting out marbles on the kitchen floor and showing me why 4×4=16. “If there are four columns of four marbles, then how many are there Erica??” And that made sense. The number 4 with an x and another 4 written on a piece of paper meant nothing to me. I guess in a way, the same concept applied to my faith. I had memorized that Jesus Christ died on a cross because it was written down in a very large book that I read once because Mr. Fore in the 9th grade made me.
But, I was tired of blind faith. I was tired of talking to the wind when I remembered to and opening my Bible randomly to Leviticus or Jeremiah reading a few verses and going on with my life. I knew there was something more.
So, naturally I signed up to go on a year long missions trip around the world. I’m so ashamed to say, but I had decided I am giving God a real, honest shot. God, I am giving you an opportunity to be real in my life, or I can’t do this anymore. I cant live with one foot in this thing and one foot out. This is Your year to show up.
Well, the first few months were difficult. A lot of times I struggled with knowing what in the Hell I was doing there! I felt like everyone knew this God and I was an outsider. I would pray to God and I wouldn’t hear anything back. I would read my Bible every now and then, but I didn’t understand what was so great. To be honest, I considered packing my bags a few times. But, I had decided beforehand that God gets one year. I’m giving Him a fair chance to be in my life.
The next few months, I found myself in ministries that brought a lot of old hurts and struggles to the surface. We were involved in prostitution ministry in Thailand where we sat in bars all night surrounded by the sickest, old men with no respect for women. We spent our days taking these women to lunch dates and shopping dates reminding them of their worth and importance. In Cambodia, we taught classes to high school students on self-worth and identity. Now, looking back I can see how God was molding my heart and clearing away the junk in there to show me who I really am, and who He really is.
At this time, I began to understand what identity in Christ means. I began to understand that I am loved and important. It was at this time that God was wooing me into a deep relationship with Him. My favorite verse during this time was Job 36:16 “He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.” Before this race, in my distress, the Lord had wooed me into a retreat with Him where I could truly experience intimacy with the Lord.
As time went on and we travelled through Malaysia to Rwanda, I grew in this infatuation with God. I wanted to read my Bible to hear more of the truths God had said about me. (New Testament mostly, still working on the Old Testament. I’ve never liked the whole history thing too much.) But, I was enamored with the Creator of the Universe telling me that I am “justified” (Romans 5:1), “free from condemnation” (Romans 6:1-6), and “made complete” (Col. 2:10). I don’t know how He did it. I don’t now how He wooed the most skeptical “Christian” into a place of love, acceptance, and faith. But mostly, I don’t know how He opened my heart that was so skilled at keeping people at a distance and vulnerability hidden safely away.
Well, in Rwanda I continued to fall deeper into a relationship with God, but my logical side still begged God for something tangible. So I began to pray that God would make Himself real. I prayed that He would show Himself to me.
Later that night at a seemingly 12-hour long conference in Kigali, Rwanda (Africans know how to worship God) the “band” started worship. I began my clapping and stumbling along the lyrics as usual, until the congregation began singing My Redeemer Lives. Then in the middle of worship I was overwhelmed with all the things that God had saved me from by bringing me on this trip. I began praising Him for His forgiveness and grace. I went through the list and began to sob as I realized how much He loves me to save me from the grips of the destiny I had chosen for myself.
And in that moment I knew He existed. The fullness that inhabited my heart screamed of His presence. It’s something I can’t explain. (And I deeply apologize for that because before I experienced it I remember just wanting to know how it felt, why other people experienced it and why it hadn’t happened to me. But it is something that cannot be explained. I recommend reading Acts 2:38 and realizing the presence of the Holy Spirit is God, and that God and things that are not of God cannot exist in the same place. So the forgiveness of sins is huge in experiencing the fullness of God.)
A few days later, I was sick with a sinus infection and sore throat. It had been getting progressively worse throughout the day, but I decided to go to church that night anyways. In the middle of worshipping God, I asked Him to take away all my sickness. I had never experienced or seen healing before, but I had heard that it happens. In the Bible, Jesus and His disciples did it all the time, and since all these things had been happening that I’d never experienced before, I thought “Eh, why not?” I asked God to take away my sickness so that I could sing praises to Him and I swallowed once with painful scratchiness and irritation in my sinuses and throat, and the second time I swallowed, it was gone. I hadn’t taken any pain medications at all that day. The Lord healed me, as crazy as it sounds, and the sickness never came back!!
At that moment, God had given me the tangible “evidence” (in my opinion) that He exists. But not only that He exists, but also that He cares, even for a stupid sinus infection!! He listened to the whiny Veruca Salt (Willy Wonka, if you don’t know Willy Wonka then I can’t help you.) and gave me what I’d been longing after.
Now, a month has passed and after a re-route to the Challenge Farm in Kenya due to the Ebola outbreak, something crazy has happened again. God decided to answer another prayer, like He does. Simply two hours after I asked for my God to show me something crazy, in walks precious, little Purity into the counseling session on the Challenge Farm.
[Now, please keep in mind that it took me a solid 15 minutes to believe this was happening and almost a full day to process. And yes, I know I sound crazy. And yes, I know this changes most people’s opinions of me, but its true and it’s real, and I HAVE to share.]
So, please read PART TWO to hear what happened 🙂
Sorry, for the suspense. I hate when people do this.
