Have you ever tried to describe a setting to give a clear picture to someone so that all details have painted the scene. This is not that kind of story.
On my second day at my first ministry, I got bit by one of my ministry host’s dogs in front of everyone. I was not scared. I was not angry. I was confused. Confused because I was sadden. I pretended like nothing happened. It was what it was and there was no changing it. everyone on my team was concern all while I was processing if that really happened. 36 hrs later I still had that sadness lingering. I took it to God and prayed. As we talked about the “attack” and the emotion attached,I realized that what I was feeling was the feeling like I did when I was a kid. Let me explain briefly.
Around the age of 10-16 years old, my family went through a rough period. In debt up to our eyeballs from moving from California to Georgia with nothing but a 10′ x 6′ trail, 7 mouths to feed, and medical bills. Being a blue collar worker with a 6 grade education, parenting was not one of my dad’s strong suit. Hard work is all he knew and what he expected. The man got frustrated quick and abusive quicker. I remembered how often after I was physically hurt or emotionally abused, I wondered what I did wrong to deserve being hurt.
Alone in my room in the silence I realized that there are times that we live that are
more than memories. There are wounds that we never took time to heal and weren’t meant to be forgotten. I began to see how the people I will interact with throughout the next 10 months need to hear the very real experience I went though.
As I grew up I began to understand my pops. I have a great relationship with both my parents now and I believe in my heart I have forgiven my dad. I hate that I have to wait until November to say it to him in person but I hope he know that I do and that I love that man. I know in my heart that what happened was not my fault and I didn’t do anything wrong. Our fathers are not perfect. They have their faults. But our heavenly father is, even when we don’t yet understand.
I hope that everyone reading this that feels that tug in their chest seek out those they themselves need to forgive. The toxicity of unforgiveness has no cure but forgiveness. Take That freedom and give that burden and hurt to God to take off of you.
