Father, forgive for I am a coward. Shied away from truth and insight you placed inside of me, from conversations I should of had, from moments I could have loved on someone new. Father, forgive me, lift me up in your name to bring your name glory. Forgive me for not sharing the miracles in my life and giving you the glory.
Last Sunday our team gathered to pray before church started. Everyone went around and expressed prayer requests concerning our ministry, our family and friends, and whatever else was on your heart. At the time of our discussion just surface level “obvious” stuff came to my mind and that is all I shared. Then I sought the Lord, and asked Him what I should pray about. One word instantly flashed to my mind:
Coward
Wow that was harsh God….thanks for your help but I rather pass on praying about being a coward around a bunch of men my age whom I serve alongside. Moments of times that I shied from His plan came rushing to mind that fell on my heart like a ton of bricks. Then the whisper, “you’re not alone.” So I went for it, above is the opening to my prayer.
One thing that I have celebrated with my team two months ago in Hong Kong is experiencing God’s healing power! I have read all the Bible stories on healing, heard amazing stories from friends, and even heard the Holy Spirit speak healing into me while at training camp. Yet I still doubted that I personally got to experience it first hand.
When I was in Latvia (May) I somehow hurt my left knee. I do not remember any specific event that caused the injury in the first place, but I do know the ligament above the knee that connected to the quad burned like a raging fire after walking around all day. It was the strangest thing because after I sat for awhile the pain went away. Some days it never hurt. Other days all it took was a trip to the bathroom and my knee was burning. I am stubborn so most days I just shrugged off the pain and pressed on with my day. My team prayed for healing a couple times and it would improve slightly…then before I knew it I was back to where I started.
Then our squad flew to Asia and we spent a couple days in Hong Kong waiting for our China visas. One night we had an all squad night that consisted of worship, prayer, and people earnestly asking God for fruits of the Spirit – healing, prophetic words/dreams, wisdom, discernment, etc. My heart aligned with the healing group so I headed over and we prayed to be anointed to heal. While we were praying God kept laying things on my heart that I needed to clear up with squad mates – forgiveness and other things similar to. I swallowed my pride, sought out the people, and started to share what God laid on my heart.
After some time passed we started praying over people on the squad that were sick or had any physical pain. Sure enough I jumped right in praying for people and asking God to reveal himself and to pour out His Spirit among us. Tap, tap, tap on my shoulder, someone said “Eric, I would like to pray for your knee.”
Why did I doubt that healing happened that night?
Initially I was stoked! My knee felt great, I celebrated each day I went pain free especially after running all over Hong Kong. I was timid to share in a blog because the thoughts: “what if the pain comes back after I post the blog,” “you did not feel a ‘hot’ hand, how can you be sure the Spirit healed you,” “keep it to yourself and be sure of the experience.”
At the end of the day I was initially a coward and doubted my experience…that is why this blog is coming out months later. It was not due to laziness of me not wanting to type, but rather timid to celebrate.
God released me from the moments that I shied away from His plan, and spoke FREEDOM into my life. That all the days of my life were ordained and written in His book before one of them came to be. That He speaks to me hundreds of thousands of times a day and there are more opportunities to be had. Let go of the past, and walk fearlessly!
Lord, I thank you, praise you, and treasurer the relationship with you. Continue to provide the fire and I will provide the sacrifice. The humility of falling on my face to a complete stranger, knowing you will faithfully pick me up and lead me in the way of the everlasting. Continue to give me the simple words and I will act on them as if it were a complete book. I will take the step of faith, come out of the boat on a whisper, and relish being in your presence. Father, I praise you! Father, I love you!
