This month the Holy Spirit worked through my team (P31) and the team we were paired with (Redeeming DUST) to teach me an important lesson: sometimes community living is messy.
One of the scariest things about living in a community of other believers on the World Race is that you're basically living on top of each other 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There's no way to escape it–it's almost impossible to keep things to yourself or live with a mask on. Your junk comes out. People find out that yes, you do fart sometimes. And yes, it does stink. There's no such thing as "needing to be alone for a second" because you're never really alone. Not only that, but on an 11-month walk alongside Spirit-filled individuals, the Holy Spirit starts to show other people things about you he's tried to show you since day one.
There is a lot of messiness in your heart. And yes, it stinks.
I think that's why so many Christians try to avoid living in community from the very beginning. It's a risk to reveal the dark, deep places in your heart, especially the parts that aren't very attractive. It's a risk to form genuine, intimate connections with people who you've only known for a few short months. In the States, it's easy to keep people at a distance and let them only see you at your "Sunday best" (or if you're really radical, each week at small group too). It's easy to become complacent and to avoid changing the areas you know God's pushing you to grow in. But as we aspire to know who God is and be more like him, we start to desire his Spirit to lead us in EVERY PART of our lives. Not just a few hours each day, or once or twice a week, but 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
It's difficult, and scary, and one of the things I'm really starting to see is how often I live my life only looking out for my personal interests. The World Race asks its participants to live in a culture that values being "high preference." High preference means you prefer others over yourself. It's how Jesus lived and very biblical (see Phil. 2:1-11, among many others). When I heard about that value it sounded like a neat idea and something I could see myself striving towards. Very altruistic, right? But realistic? When you look closer at who I actually am, there's a lot about me that isn't very high preference. I like my "me" time, and if someone wants to do my dishes for me they can go right ahead. Acts of service isn't my love language nor is it my spiritual gift, so praise God for people who like to serve. I'm more quality time and words of affirmation, and my major spiritual gift is encouragement–so you might catch me encouraging you after you've cleaned, or affirming you for your gift of service, but those task-oriented things really don't come naturally to me.
I'm kind of being tongue-in-cheek here. I do know how to clean, and I do help out when I see a need. Give me a job and I'll do it. If you need me to cook a meal, I'm all in. Yet being called to 24/7 high preference servanthood? There are definitely ways I'll choose myself over the group and times I feel like I "deserve" being preferred "for once." Living in 24/7 community with a group of individuals, it's easy to look to others to serve and to justify myself not serving.
This month we were paired with a team full of incredibly gifted servers. They experience God through serving others. It became glaring to me how much God wanted me to experience Him through service too (and even more glaring when this was called out by my community). God used my community to illuminate a part of my life that I had felt I was doing just fine in, and called me to a higher standard of service. He showed me that service wasn't just a love language or a spiritual gift I was lacking, but a love language and spiritual gift He wanted to give me. He wants me to not just say I love Him or that I love others, but to show the truth by my actions (1 John 3:18). He wants me to share my teammates' burdens, because I love them (as in, I do it because I want to not because "the Bible tells me so").
Names mean a lot in South Africa, and everyone asks you what the meaning of your name is. My name, Emily, means "hard working." In addition, the name of my team, P31, references chapter 31 in Proverbs, which includes a poem about a "Woman of Noble Character." One way this woman is described as is "energetic and strong, a hard worker" (Prov. 31:10). There are many times in my life where I've felt like I've just coasted along. It's easy for me to get complacent and to avoid changing the messy areas of my heart I'm living comfortably in. I know God has called me this month to step in to what was prophesied over me through my name and my team's name.
There's so much grace being a follower of Jesus, and He loves me no matter what I do. But I'm going to have to get my hands dirty sometimes too if I want to grow in my relationship with Him. I'm thankful He's given me brothers and sisters in tune with the Spirit, who aren't afraid to tell me when my life's starting to smell and who kick me into gear when it's time to clean house.
