The title of this song came from a song I heard in church this morning. This is a funny impression the Western culture has left on Africa, Yesu meaning Jesus. Yippee Kay Yeah, Jesus!!
I’ve learned a lot the past month or so, God has been revealing more and more to me. I wanted to write a blog to share a bit of this with you all. First of all, God has been showing me a lot about love, real love. Not only what it means to love God, but to love others and to love myself. God has been showing me that I am a beautiful daughter of His, created in His image. I thank God for my healthy body and the breath that fills my lungs, easily.
I’ve been learning to love others by dying to my own wants. On the race, I don’t have a right to be right. I might want things to go my way or for us to eat these things or for her to not act a certain way, but it is not my right to enforce any of these things. I may want that last cup of hot water for my coffee, but someone else wanted it too and I don’t need it. I may want to sleep, but the baby is crying and upset and I don’t need to have a full 8 hours of sleep.
If everything we do is rooted in selflessness and love then every single commandment would be fulfilled. It is hard, let me tell you! We are living in ‘sub-par’ conditions. My mattress is thin and I can feel the backboards, I am forced to eat 3 plates of food for dinner every night in order to not seem rude (and we eat at about 9pm at night), I wake up every day, hours before my alarm, to babies crying, we do ministry every day and night, preaching and manual labor, I have to share everything I own, we have no water or electricity… Praise God for these things!
Praise God that we have food and people to prepare it, that I have a bed (my OWN bed!) with a mosquito net, a baby in the house with the sweetest smile and always makes us happy, Praise God for new babies and life!, for having people to minister to and a faithful God that is speaking through us and reaching these children, that I have friends, a bathroom, clean bottled water, etc. etc. etc.
(by the way, we cal this ‘The Thankful Game’ and play it whenever we are in a tough spot and everyone is cranky or annoyed haha)
God has been showing me how to love Him through worship and praise. I’ve been learning how to show my love for Christ by serving others. This is my time to grow in my spiritual walk, my time to romance with God and to not worry about men or who my husband is going to be, to rest in Him. I just got out of a pretty serious relationship with a man before I started the race and God has been slowly revealing to me why.
I met Dan two years ago at Mt. Rainier National Park, Washington and we’d been dating ever since. Before the race I was living with him in Vegas and we were ready to get married, madly in love. I had always kinda known that Dan and I weren’t meant for each other, always that voice in the back of my head, but I wouldn’t listen. Everything was perfect, I had a great job, we had money and so much fun together. We both have an affinity for music, food, games and the outdoors, we were perfect together. At that time I was seeing love as either black or white, it could be wrong or it could be right. Since everything was so perfect between us, I figured it must be the best thing, he was it, my “one”. Dan isn’t a Christian, but I tried taking on the role of his pastor. I would bring him to church and we did the membership course together; we would pray together and read the word. Dan has a fairly analytical mind and since Jesus didn’t quite make sense to him, he didn’t believe. Honestly, I’m glad Dan is a guy to stick to his guns and be truthful, instead of pretending to believe so we would get married. I knew God was calling me to be with a man I could be ‘evenly yoked’ with and have a Godly man to lead me in my walk with the Lord, but Dan just seemed so great. During Training Camp, God struck me with the realization that I had to break up with Dan, I couldn’t be with him when I launched and I finally listened. When I came home I broke the news to Dan and all he said was “I know”, he felt it too. We spent the last month together celebrating the end, but it was so tough. I had moved out by that time, but we still spend all of our time together. Now that I am gone, millions of miles away, it is finally beginning to feel so real. I miss him so much! I was having a hard time trusting in God, trusting that He had a ‘best’ for me, that he was molding the perfect man to be my husband. I still envisioned Dan and I living happily ever after and coming home from the race to his arms.
I told my testimony to the girls the other day and they all reassured me of God’s plan, but it never quite sinks in until God says it. The other night God gave me a dream of my husband and it was so beautiful. I woke up with God telling me “See! This is ME, THIS is what I have planned for you. Now be patient.” I understood that this time isn’t about boys, men of this world. It is about God growing me into the woman He has planned for me to be and for me to be patiently growing in a relationship with Christ. A time of singleness. Not to worry about who or where or when or anything, just be and rest in God’s faithfulness. He is slowly allowing me to be okay if Dan is dating someone else sometime soon, knowing that he isn’t my boyfriend anymore. I think this is the hardest part.
I still consider Dan one of my best friends and will take his advice over most peoples, he is an amazing man. I think I’m jealous of the women that gets to be with him for the rest of her life. Who knows, maybe God will work in Dan’s heart and he still is the one for me, but it’s not up to me to decide.
