What’s your number? How many people have you slept with or had intimate relationships with? Do you ever stop to think how those people can still be connected to you, whether you want them to be or not. Imagine if you had a string attached to your heart to each one of them, would you want that many strings wrapped around your heart? Would you want all those people in your bed on your wedding night. . . . .That’s a disturbing thought!
I lost my virginity in a dorm room after a frat party to a boy I thought I loved. That night I was so ashamed and filled with guilt, as I was planning to save myself for marriage, though I wasn’t a very committed Christian at the time. I felt pressure by my parents to save this gift for my spouse; just as they had both done. But it was too late, I just screwed it all up! To feel better about the decision I had made, I convinced myself it was normal and that everyone has sex and I was a different generation than my parents. So I continued to engage in it, as it was too late to go back.
So obviously I’m not a virgin, and that’s something that I have many regrets about. I fell into society’s standards of what is acceptable and normal and because of that I can no longer share a special intimate moment only with my husband. I know God asks us as Christians to save our virginity for our spouses, but that’s not the reason I wish I had not done it. The real reason I wish I had saved myself is to prevent all the heartache, pain, and confusion that comes from having sex with someone you’re not eternally committed to. I wish I had guarded my heart the way the Lord tells us to. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”(Proverbs 4:23).
I have shared this bond with multiple men and now I have to deal with consequences. The consequences of feeling heartache, worthlessness, and the guilt of “becoming one flesh” with many men. Now I don’t want anyone to misconstrue this blog post as judgemental, self righteous or preachy. It’s just an honest conclusion that I have come to about myself, after many years of feeling sadness in myself and in my own actions.
Earlier this month I learned about something called “soul ties” and how they can affect us. Soul ties are the spiritual connection of two people that have shared intimate moments together. A great example of explaining souls ties is the imagery of two pieces of wood. Take these two pieces and glue them together, then the next day rip them apart. Each piece of wood will have shards of the other that will stay there forever. Now imagine doing this multiple times. Just like the wood, every time you have a sexual partner or intimate relationship, you are keeping a little bit of the other person with you. The good, the bad, the ugly, and you’re giving yourself away a little at a time, too. Spiritually, you are also opening a lot of doors that eternally connect you to one another.
Soul ties between married couples draws them closer together like magnets. God created sex, and and he called it a gift. A gift where two “shall become one flesh.”(Genesis 2:24) He wants us to do it and even to enjoy it. Sex was meant for two devoted people to have a physical, emotional and spiritual connection. How can you have this amazing, eternal, spiritual bond with your spouse, if you still have that connection with however many other people?
Ever since I was young I have always been called to marriage. Marriage is a beautiful covenant, that joins two people together for life. It’s a promise to fight for one another forever, to push each other to be better, to encourage growth in each other’s faith. But most of all, to truly and passionately love one another till our dying days. Love and marriage is so beautiful and I will consider it to be my greatest achievement, when that day comes. Now I know marriage won’t be easy, and some days will be just plain hard. But I look forward to those moments where all we have is God and his guidance. Marriage is so precious and is a true Godly bond that I look forward to. The idea that I haven’t met or realized who my best friend, true love, and 2nd most important influence in my life (first being God) is SO exciting!!! I cannot wait to find my husband!
So now here I am, wanting a beautiful Godly soul tied marriage, but I have already bonded my soul to many others.
When I was praying this morning God gave me an image. An image of my heart split up amongst the men I have willingly and unwillingly tied to. Each one had a piece that was never meant for them to have. I realized I needed to get all the pieces back to finally be able to give my full heart to the Lord, who then could give to my husband. God can’t show me my husband because right now I have nothing to give to my husband.
So today I spoke a severing of the soul ties prayer. There is no specific prayer in particular that you have to say, but it has to get one thing across. That is that you are severing the bonds, connections, vows, and ties that connected you to other people, with the authority of Jesus Christ. I physically wrote down the names of the men and connected them to string and wrapped it around my ring finger. I felt like this was a good physical representation of all the men that were standing in the way of my one true love. The many strings covered my finger and one by one I cut off each and every one in prayer and physically with scissors. This may sound a little dramatic, but honestly it was so rewarding to literally see the names dropping off my finger one at a time.
So I stand here today declaring that my heart has no strings and is finally in the hands of the one that it truly belongs to. I don’t know when God plans to show me my husband, whether that’s in a few months, a few years, or a few decades(lets hope not). I do know that I am ready with a fully healed and connected heart and I am thankful for a Lord that is full of grace and new beginnings.
