I’m Emily Werness and this week held some firsts for me. The first time I had to go to a doctor in 9 months, the first time I wasn’t outside every day of a week, the first time I was separated from most of my team….but it was also the first time I have had multiple afternoons to just nap…to rest…the first time I’ve slept in two days in a row, the first time having a week long one on one with my friend!
A week ago a mysterious red rash began to appear all over my arms, back, and shoulders. No worries, we thought it was just a sun allergy – me and my fair Irish skin and all 🙂 As my team got dropped at a mall in Tegu, I realized the rash had spread to my legs and to my chest. I started feeling achey in my knees and knuckles, arthritis-like pain. That’s also when the dull pounding in my head made itself known at the front of my skull. After a few hours of wifi, I began to feel so tired and hot. Cue the fever. The rash had spread to my neck and face and I was burning up. Thankfully our contact was on his way to pick us up and I popped some tylenol and benadryl. A couple of my teammates prayed for me as I tried to fall asleep (thankful to have a real bed to crash in) and I just remember feeling miserable. Every movement felt like it sapped away all my energy. You know how Harry Potter screams and freaks out when Voldemort touches him or he feels that pain shoot across his scar? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can empathize with Harry now. I remember trying to sleep and failing. I was pretty upset to be sick, not excited to go to a doctor the next day, and I just hurt.
That’s when I started singing hymns to myself as a way to calm myself down and instill some truth perspective, because let’s be real, what I was going through is no where close to what my Jesus went through to save my life. I started with “Rock of Ages,” then “It is Well,” then “Before the Throne of God Above.” I told Jesus I just wanted to hide in his embrace and feel his arms around me as I slept. I told him I was okay being sick because his power is made perfect in my weakness. It was the words, “my name is graven on his hands, my name is written on his heart! I know that while in heaven he stands, no tongue can bid me thence depart,” that hit me.
God whispered his truth to me and it flooded my heart with peace: I love you – your name is on my heart daughter. Nothing will ever make me leave you. Nothing can! You are safe.
After that truth hit home I was able to fall into some sort of sleep and the next day brought word of what we already knew to be most likely: I have chikungunya.
CHIKUN-WHA?? Yes, chikungunya. It is a virus spread by a mosquito and I was lucky enough to get it. It’s just something to ride out and rest and drink lots of liquid and take lots of tylenol. The virus hasn’t been getting me down, although it is hard to be apart from my team, it has been a blessing. I know I didn’t envision the middle part of my month 9 to look like this – all cooped up, curled up sleeping away a week, but God did. What a blessing to rest and be sick in a real bed with a real shower feet away? To have people who care about me making me dinner and watching a movie with me? To have basically my whole squad and family back home in prayer for me? God used this to show me I am so blessed. I am so loved by Him and I don’t need answers this week. I don’t need to do and to go. I just need to be. To rest…he’s here with me in this rest and it’s made all the difference. Being able to pray for Nepal, my teammates, back home, and my future…it’s been an okay week!
By mid-week I hope to reunite with the rest of my team – as it’s just about getting all my strength back now – I think I am through the worst! GLORY.
(And country music has its own soothing effect.)
I’m Emily Werness and sometimes the things that cause the most pain and frustration end up being some of the biggest blessings.
