I’m Emily Werness and I want to die. 

 

To myself, that is, daily. 

This is one of the things I have struggled with so much. I think part of it is because as humans, it is natural to think of ourselves first, maybe partly because of that survival instinct, but also because we live in a selfish, fallen world. I admit that in many situations, whether with friends, family, in serving, at work, one of my first thoughts is, wait, what about me? That’s going to affect me. This going to take my time, my effort and my energy…and to what benefit to me? I am going to do this my way and it’s the way I know best – why should I consult or think of someone else? We are so overstimulated with messages revolving around getting ahead, looking out for ourselves, and becoming the best version of ourselves in ways that are most convenient to us, to me.

Our default setting is selfish.

My default setting is selfish. 

To change a default setting (or to change at all really) is usually met with resistance and discomfort. It usually takes awhile to adjust to the new setting, but usually over time, it is no longer thought of as “new” but as normal and natural like it has always been this way. 

As a follower of Christ, I am called to follow Christ’s example, “And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.” -Mark 9:35

As a follower of Christ I am transformed – I am a new creation! My desire to change my default setting stems from a joyful response to Christ’s grace, his sacrifice for my life. While he suffered in anguish on that cross, he made the conscious choice to stay up there. To die. He thought of me above all and that is what kept him up on that cross. He put me and all of us before himself. Because of this ultimate example of humility, we can know him and be with him! 

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” -Philippians 2:3-8

It is easier said than done and I continue to struggle (and a lot of the time fail) to put others first. I know it is not of my own strength (there’s that selfish arrogance again) that I can die to myself daily. It is by Christ’s power.

My pastor has often referenced CS Lewis’ quote on humility and it strikes me to my core:

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”

 

I pray for this attitude to become my default as a team of us go out to the Rosebud Indian Reservation in South Dakota this next week to serve and love.

I pray for this attitude to become my default in my workplace while I finish strong.

I pray for this attitude to become my default in the 11 months on the Race.

I pray for this attitude to become my default so fully in this life and everything I do that I know no other setting.

 

I’m Emily Werness and Jesus, thank you for your humility – for putting all of us before yourself.