I asked you to break my heart for what breaks yours… but I didn’t really want it to be like this. I didn’t want it to be hands on. I usually just get email updates about children who are ignored/hurting/trafficked/etc. and I can pray for them accordingly. I didn’t know you were going to put me right in the middle of it all. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into… the quote “be careful what you wish for” keeps coming into my mind, and I obviously didn’t wish for children so covered in lice you couldn’t see their actual hair… I didn’t ask to walk into a place where a baby had been laying in a puddle of her own pee for hours because her caretaker can’t grasp the importance of changing her diaper… I dunno what I was thinking when I asked you to break my heart for what breaks yours… God I am on my knees begging for you to show me the goodness that you have in all of this. I am pleading with you to show me why these children must suffer while I can return to my healthy little American bubble any minute I choose. I really am sick at my stomach when I think about how poorly these children have been treated because they have special needs. They are orphaned because the Indian culture thinks they are curses from something they did in their previous life and they are basically left for dead… Where is the goodness in that? I know that the orphanage I am working at is a major blessing compared to the government housing but I still need help understanding your plan and since you are such a faithful God I want to see your promises and miracles in my presence.
In mark 10 Jesus says that he watched the desciples rebuke the children and he stopped them saying let the little children come to me, because of such is the Kingdom of God, and anyone who does not receive it as a little child will not enter it… and then he layed hands on the children and blessed them.
This is where we find the goodness… I know that you have never left these children for 1 second and that you sent me, and the rest of the World Racer’s, here to love on people who have never been loved… But God it is so hard. I am so heart broken over these babies… I love you and I keep asking you to pull the film from my eyes so that I may see these children with your eyes and with a supernatural love. I see these babies with you inside them and I cannot help but just grab them up and kiss them and sing to them and love them and I know that they inherit YOUR KINGDOM because they are the blessed little children that Jesus died for. So Father I do thank you for breaking my heart for what breaks yours and I thank you for the responsibility that you have given me to love. I thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally. I thank you for showing me how to have a heart like Jesus’ and I just ask that you continue to grow it. And even though I know what it looks and feels like to be supernaturally loved, I cannot always carry it out because of the desires and fears of my flesh. So God please carry my heart this month as I bless these children in your son’s name.
We desire miracles this month, we expect miracles this month, we pray Lord that this orphanage becomes a place where your spirit dwells, we pray that people from every nation will support this orphanage financially and that people from every nation will come to volunteer and love on a baby that has never known love.
I dunno if I am gonna make these kids have the best Christmas ever, or if they will be blessing me with my best Christmas ever.. either way I am so blessed to be exactly where God wants me.
