It took me days to settle down and write this blog post. It is difficult for me to collect all of the different emotions that I have felt in the past month, condense them into a page, and spew them out in sensible detail.
Words to hint towards the chaos of my heart:
Suspension- I leave this country, my family, my world in less than two weeks. The suspense of that is weighing on me. How do I balance my time?
Fear of the Unknown- What is to come?
Confusion- The Lord has called me to serve. I don’t know what I am doing.
Trust- All I have is in his Hands.
Astounded- I am astounded by his beauty, his power, his majestic work in every part of my life.
Overjoyed- I am overjoyed to serve my king. I am privileged and honored to do his will.
Flooded- I am flooded with the holy spirit, like a waterfall rushing through me.
Peace- I feel more peace than I thought possible about this year.
Sorrow-I’m leaving my loved ones.
Relentless- I will continue to pursue the one who gave me the breath I am so blessed to breathe. He won’t relent on me, so why should I relent on pursuing him?
Tired- I am tired of logistics and figuring things out.
Re-energized- I am ready to get on the field and hit the ground running.
Fresh Breath- This is a new chapter of my life and a fresh breath of air in my lungs.
All of these emotions or feelings came to my mind when I tried to think of a few things I have felt since training camp. All of these things spread high and wide on the scale of emotions, but they all come together reassuring each other of the Lord’s work in me. He has asked me to go, to leave this life, and spread the gospel to the nations. These emotions I am going through are only a sliver of the goodness that is coming. I know that the love of the Lord will roar like a lion when I serve him with all of my heart. I know that the God I serve doesn’t ask something of his daughter and not equip her with what she needs. These negative emotions may be temporary or constant, but whatever they are, they are nothing in the sight of my Lord Jesus Christ. Some are healthy to feel, and I should be feeling them, but there is a time for everything. I will not hold onto every emotion forever, of course, but they will come and go as the seasons change. The Lord will bless me with different people, different trials, and I will learn how to rely on him more and more.
Training Camp was severely draining, yet entirely re-energizing. Those two things usually never go together, but somehow they did. I was broken down, asked to forgive, and held accountable for the lifestyle I live. After being around the willingness of the young adults that surrounded me, I no longer felt like I was alone on this journey. People want to do this, together they want to be the body of Christ. I had never felt apart of such a powerful movement of the holy spirit. Where the Lord’s willing servants gathered in number, there He was also. He occupied the place of worship like a lion in its cage. I was astounded by his beauty. I felt apart of the biggest family. Tears filled my eyes as I was welcomed into the community. I will never fathom how many brothers and sisters I have in Christ. We are one in the spirit, by faith in the gospel. (Proverbs 1)
I am apart of the largest family. I am a daughter of God. I am setting out in hopes to further his Kingdom. Please pray for my team and I on this journey ahead. Please stay with us along the way. I would not be able to do this without support. My supporters are the ones who allow it to happen for me. Thank you for supporting me in any and every way you can and have.
A little bit about my team: 7 of us make up TEAM AGON
We are a great team. God handpicked each and every one of us to work together with one another. I could not imagine being more satisfied with a team than the one I am on right now. We are all so diverse and have so much to offer in ministry. It’s a great attribute to have to reach all different kinds of people. We also work together very well. I love them like I love my brother and sister. I am so excited to work with them for 9 months.
