As anyone with access to TV, the Internet, billboards, or
gossip is already aware of, the world was supposed to end on Saturday. We might
be on the World Race and allegedly isolated from all things current, but even
we managed to be warned of our impending rapture and the certain doom of the
godless masses. Like any concerned citizens of the world, we decided to do a
little research to see exactly when we should be ready to peace out of planet
Earth. Our Google search yielded a myriad of results, ranging from the decently
informative to the truly absurd. From what we could tell, the rapture was
predicted to happen in each time zone when 6:00 pm came. So, thankfully for us,
that meant that we got a few extra hours than our friends and families at home
did to make sure our repentance was complete and our souls were ready to take
flight.
These extra hours also gave us more time to ensure that our
departures weren’t met with any undue stress or sadness for those left behind.
Katie, the animal lover of the group, found out that we could be raptured in
peace without the nagging pangs of guilt brought on by the prospect of
abandoning our pets. Thankfully, some kindhearted atheists had volunteered
their services, as The Calgary Herald reports:
Meanwhile, enterprising atheists across 26
states have set up a business to care for the animal companions of any
Christians who are selected to go to heaven when Jesus Christ comes back.
“You’ve committed your life to Jesus.
You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes, what’s to become of your
loving pets who are left behind?” Eternal Earth-Bound Pets says on its
website, offering to “take that burden off your mind.”
The post-doomsday pet rescue service already
has 259 clients, who have paid $135 for the first pet and $20 for each
additional pet at the same address, to ensure the faithful animal companions
are looked after and loved even when their Christian owners have gone to the other side.
All the rescuers are sworn atheists, which
means they will definitely be left behind on Earth, ready to rescue pets after
the Rapture.
When judgment day happens, Eternal
Earth-Bound Pets co-founder Bart Centre “will notify all of our rescuers
to go into action and they will drive to the homes of anyone who’s signed a
contract with us, pick up their pets and take them home and adopt them as their
own, keeping them happy and healthy for the rest of their lives.
“This will happen only if and when the
Rapture happens. So we do not expect to have to do anything on Saturday,”
Centre told AFP.
Contracts are good for 10 years, just in
case the Mayan calendar prophesy, which predicts the world will end in December
next year, comes true.
On behalf of
the members of Team Wreckonciled who actually like animals and/or own pets,
thank you for your generosity. Also, I salute your business savvy…$35,000 for
doing absolutely nothing? Genius. With that worry off our minds, we were free
to spend our final night on earth contemplating what our last supper should be
and what the first thing we would like to eat in heaven was. Of course, we
chose bacon. For both. We capped off the night with a lengthy Facebook comment
thread discussing rapture tactics to make ourselves more aerodynamic and
debating whether Joel should leave his mosquito net off of his hammock to avoid
possible tangling should the time come while we were sleeping.
The morning
of May 21, the alleged Doomsday, dawned bright and early for us in El Salvador.
We got up and headed to an all day youth retreat for the church we’re working
with this month. We figured the more Christians in one place, the better on
that day…it’s just a few less stops that Jesus has to make on his way to
gathering all of us. In fact, I even proposed a similar tactic for any future
Christmas Eves just to lighten Santa’s travel load. I’m sure he’s already reached
lifetime Platinum Medallion status on North Pole airlines’ sleighmiles program…except
we won’t be around for anymore Christmases…never mind. We spent the day doing
skits, preaching, and throwing water balloons at the youth group. As 6:00
neared, we found ourselves knee deep in a competitive round of Dutch Blitz.
But, alas, heaven was calling, so we put away the cards, assumed our
rapture-ready positions, and began the final countdown. At exactly 6:00 we jumped
as high as we could with our hands in the sky, fully expecting to take flight.
However, we
discovered that gravity still had its hold on us, and we came crashing down to
earth with a thud of disappointment. Fail. How could we still be here? Doesn’t
being a missionary count as some sort of foolproof rapture insurance? Something
went terribly wrong.
Guess we’re not going anywhere for awhile…
Minutes after the world failed to come to a screeching halt, the sky opened up, and rain began to pour on us and the youth retreat.
As we sat, stranded, in a kind person’s living room for the next hour waiting out the storm, I began to think about what would have happened if Saturday really had been the end. I thought of all the people who would have readied themselves, as we did but without the sarcasm, and awaited the moment they were so sure of, only to receive the crushing blow of their feet hitting the ground again. I thought of all of the people we have met so far on the race who firmly believe that their nominal cultural Catholicism, their list of good deeds committed, their strict adherence to man-made religious expectations, or the inherited legacy of their parents’ faith will save them. There are so many people in this world who have put their trust in only a partial version of the truth, and would not have been saved. Not to mention the countless millions more who either entirely denounce the gospel or have never had the blessing of hearing it.
Regardless of your eschatological views or your opinion of Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, if Saturday had been the end, I think we can all agree that a lot of people would have missed the boat. We joked about the end of the world and had a good time pretending to prepare for our departure, but the truth is that there is a reason we are still here. We have so much work still to do, and we can’t know how much time we have left to do it in. There are still so many people who either don’t know about Jesus or have been deceived out of putting their trust in him. We are still here because we are supposed to be making sure that every nation on earth hears about the gospel of the Kingdom before Jesus returns.
Matthew 24 says that it is good for the servant whose master finds him working when he returns. We are not supposed to get distracted with predicting the second coming or trying to make sure that our pets have solid rapture insurance. The reason we are still on earth is to bring heaven here and to show the love of God to as many people as possible before the hour that only the Father knows arrives. So, even though it might have been nice if our rapture drill had succeeded, we are glad that it didn’t. Now we have more time to live out our calling to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
