Sometimes I wonder.
I wonder about unimportant things- like if the boys understand any part at all of the four Harry Potter movies we've watched – or how long it will take for me to feel comfortable with people rubbing my white cheeks and poking my sunburned arms to watch the colors change – and I wonder if chacos will ever make my outfit look better.
I also wonder about other things.
Like what kind of impression it is we're leaving with the women and boys we're working with this month.
I wonder how much they are actually learning as we spend time together every morning talking about life in broken English.
And I wonder if attempting to teach lessons to groggy eyed teenagers that are more focused on lunch and an upcoming game of UNO will ever be an easy task.
I wonder what is happening in the hearts of Sokny and Daniel that spurred tears to flow down their cheeks during worship the other day.
I wonder if the kids we visited in the village understand the love God has for them and the reason behind why we smile and hold them, sing crazy songs, dance like fools and play games with them.
I wonder if rubbing the back of a small boy as tears stream down his face because he only got three crayons and no coloring book actually makes his aching heart feel better.
And then I wonder the point of giving crayons to children with no paper.
I wonder when the kids look at pictures of themselves, for maybe the first time, if they see themselves as beautiful.
And then I wonder if something as trivial as physical beauty plays any part in the confidence and culture of these kids who have no way to measure society's partial standards of beauty.
I wonder if singing out of tune and playing guitar with Pon Leu has actually allowed him to build enough confidence to play for people and lead worship.
I wonder if three weeks is enough time.
And sometimes God answers these wonders with wonders of his own.
Through reassuring laughter after many rounds of impromptu songs, silly chants, and made up dances with made up dance moves.
And silly poses that capture innocent hearts
By revealing beauty that stems from humble confidence
and giving new perspective that comes from wide-eyed curiosity.
With the gifts of art and the wonder of turning three colored pencils into an abundance of colors held both tightly with thankfulness and lightly enough to lend to a friend.
And getting to watch as the children look with pure delight at all the pages in the coloring books and share without hesitation.
Through the joy found in playing games that create beautiful pictures of unity
His wonder has the freedom to take the most simple acts of love and unleash them for the kingdom
His wonder extinguishes any sense of doubt that creeps into my sense of the word and He gives me something to truly wonder about.
And sometimes, He has to literally write out a letter to give me a reassuring glimpse of the big picture and remind me that whatever happens here is greater than anything I can create.
Deare my good sisters.
Hello my lovely sisters, I have one letter for you which show about my felling of living with all of you for almost a month. Since, you started to live with us, I don't know why my felling started happy. It seems like you give me a new life. Because you have been doing a lots of things with us…. I'm enjoying learning spanish with you, playing games, especially learning the beautiful songs of God. You have good sound, beautiful sound. I like singing, learning the songs of God with you very much. But unfortunately, I am very busy with my studying.
I really want to spend much time with all of you. To serve God, praise God, play game, learn English and Spanish, especially play with the children. I really regretted of my self for the day you went to the village and I missed it. I was very sade and angry of myself why didn't I go with you. You know when you came back here to Phnom Penh and I asked what did you do with the children during two day and one night and you said that you did many funny things with the children this made me more angry of myself. Because I really want to work with you my sisters and play with the children. If that day came up again I might not miss it.
My good sisters I still admire you and say thanks you for everything you've done, such as, spending money, power, and enjoying food together. I'm very happy when we live like that, but the sadness gonna come soon Because next week is your last day here. But I hope we will still keep a good relationship with each other. Even you are not here or in America. I really want all of you to be my good sisters forever.
I really don't want your last day come on. I want my good sisters to live here in Cambodia and we will work together to serve God, to change Cambodia, and we will eat together every day. I don't want this situation pass away.
Ok! It's all for what I have with you. And I also want you all to show me about your felling of living in Cambodia and here. And I have a dream to live and study abroad. I want you to tell me what should I do for this dream? How can I get this dream? And it's also a request for you all pray for me. Thanks you! I wish you all to be bless. Have a good health and good luck wherever you go. Please God take care my good sisters.
Smile. Funny sisters. Lovely sisters.
God Bless You.
From me Rock! (16)
