“Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told.” – Habakkuk 1:5
It’s usually a nightly thought for me, as I sit under the Indian stars waiting for ministry to begin, I wonder, “how did I, a girl with a past, get to be where I am now?” What I’ve done and where I come from, I could have never “pictured a life that was so good I wouldn’t believe it if I’d been told,” but this is exactly the life the Lord is letting me live (The Lipstick Gospel).
My freshman year of high school my parents spilt up, eventually getting divorced, and the world as I knew it crumbled around me. I was naive and thought things with my family were faultless, but no family is perfect. I began the healing process by seeking the Lord but ultimately turned to alcohol to fill the void in my heart. I started drinking my junior year of high school and spent the next two years listening to the world about coping; something as powerful as alcohol should never be allowed in the hands of kids who don’t understand how toxic it can be. I spent those years in a haze of lying to my mom and myself that alcohol is what filled my emptiness.
Going into college I knew this was the time to make a change from this unhealthy life. The problem with dropping a habit/sin like drinking while going into college is that that’s when everyone begins doing it; I became very judgmental of others and legalistic in my relationship with the Lord. I spent those two years living how I thought God wanted me to but it was far from the personal relationship He calls us to.
…And then I turned 21. I didn’t have the normal bar-hopping, shots flowing, black-out birthday experience, I went to Walgreens and bought a bottle of pink wine. But the night I just described did become a recurring escapade for me. My last two years of college were crazy to say the least- I still had a void in my heart and I sought the comfort of alcohol and boys. I began seeking attention from boys, and they were just that- boys, they hurt me and left me high and dry. But isn’t this what college is all about, making the most of our experiences?
I don’t believe so, those weren’t the years God planned for me and I used them up. He had so much more for me than the life I was living. He had healing for the little girl who was hurt and comfort that can only be found in Him. But there is good news, despite all the years I wasted away with seeking the world, the Lord still loved me and stayed by my side the entire time. I look back on my experiences and know that things should have been worse and I could have been really hurt but God protected me and held my hand through the darkness. He loves me so dearly and rescued me. He promises me He will restore the years that the locust have eaten (Joel 2:25).
I recently read in a book Jesus, My Father, The CIA, and Me by Ian Cron that in the past when a blizzard came through, farmers would still need to tend to their animals. They would tie a rope around their waists and the other end to the door of their home. The author relates this to his life and I see the imagery in my testimony. He says “How did he know the number of times that I would stretch that rope to its breaking point or how often I would drift onto the plains in a whiteout and need a way to find my way back home?” The rope around my waist must be double-knotted because I’ve drifted far. But the Lord accepts my story and past. He accepts me and allows me to live out the life He intended for me, full of adventure, whimsy and love. All I have to do is choose Him, say yes, and live in His love.
So know this, no matter how far you’ve drifted, no matter what horrible thing you’ve done in your past, God can still redeem you and restore those years with a beautiful future.
