Every now and then my mind will flash back to memories of home. We’ll be standing in a mud hut that houses a family of nine, and I’ll suddenly remember what houses look like at home – that this hut is the size of my bedroom alone…often smaller. These moments of remembrance stun me in my tracks. It seems impossible that such contrasts exist.
They say no one returns from the World Race the same person. I’m not even near to going home yet and I’m seeing how this is true.
I bathed with three other girls out of a bucket of water this morning. I won’t ever be able to step into my shower at home without remembering Africa. We have joked that we won’t be able to stand the amount of water pressure. I imagine, upon waking in the middle of the night, my first impulse will be to reach for my headlamp before I remember there is a switch to flip.
All of these changes are minor in comparison to the changes of the heart. I’ve been dancing with the orphans we are living with. I’ve sung with them and run around in circles with them, and swung their tiny bodies in the air to their delight. We served mangoes to the children yesterday as a special treat, and it is the first fruit I’ve seen them eat. Their diets consist mainly of ugalie (cornmeal mush). There is a boy suffering most likely from Malaria and the pastors are trying to figure out how to get him medicine. The 900Kshs is too much to pay. That’s about 12 USD.
This is the stuff that grabs you in the heart and shakes you. This is the stuff that makes me wonder what life will be like when I return home. How could it be possible to continue living the same way? I think everyone should come experience what we’re experiencing. Much of what we complain about would no longer seem to matter.
On the team front, we are learning to die to ourselves daily. We are:
– learning to exist on an all carb diet
– learning to get over having dirty feel all of the time
– praying over everything we put into our mouths
– enjoying chai tea ALL of the time
– always expecting people and rides to run 1 to 2 hours late
– fighting fear in large crowds
– getting sunburnt
– getting used to toting water from the well to flush the toilet
– bathing out of a bucket
– usually completely exhausted
– a few with much surrounded by many with little
– being filled with laughter, being filled with the Spirit, being filled with compassion
Along with all this, the smells, the tastes, the babies’ constant desire to touch our skin and our hair; It is all welling up in my senses and gradually promoting change in me.
Sin belongs to hell and the devil; I as a child of God belong to heaven and God. It is not a question of giving up sin but of giving up my right to myself, my natural independence and self assertiveness, and this is where the battle is fought – it is going to cost the natural my everything – not something. “Jesus said, “If any man will be my disciple, let him deny himself” i.e. his right to himself. (Oswald Chambers – My Utmost for His Highest)
I welcome the change, through gritted teeth, and pray for fruit that is lasting.
