I am no longer walking through the Dark Night of the Soul, but my journey out of the Darkness did not end that night in the kitchen where the Lord told me to hang on my Cross and die. My journey out in fact continued on for several more months and involved me traveling to the other side of the world to be romanced by the Lord again. Many more things had to happen until I could finally say that my soul was covered by a fresh, full blanket of white snow. But now here I am, a new creation.
I’ve written this blog as a way to memorialize my journey through the Darkness, but also because I know others need to hear this. There are people in my life right now who are going through their very own Dark Night of the Soul, whether they realize it yet or not. There are some of you reading this blog now who I’ve never met, but it’s no mistake that you stumbled onto this page. The Lord has written a beautiful story of redemption for each of us, and it’s not a story meant to be kept secret.
If you are walking through the Darkness now, this blog is for you. Or perhaps you have found yourself in a painfully stagnant season with God – this blog is for you. After thinking and praying about the past year and a half of my life, I’ve decided to write a few pieces of advice for those who may need it.
If you’re going through the Dark Night of the Soul:
-Keep going. Keep pursuing the Lord. Keep searching. Keep seeking. Keep knocking. It may seem futile and it’s definitely frustrating when we knock with no answer. But Jesus tells us that if we knock the door will be opened. If you search for the Lord with all your heart and soul, you will find him (Deuteronomy 4:29).
-Do not let others tell you to “snap out of it.” Though friends and mentors have good intentions, they often have no idea what exactly you’re going through. I had friends who told me to snap out of it, and that did not help. You’re not crazy and you’re not making this up. You might consider not telling many people at all. Ask for their prayers, but you don’t always have to go into detail.
-Do not feel guilty or ashamed for doubting the existence and goodness of God. Remember, even Jesus experienced doubt.
-Ask other believers why they believe. Talk to people about what God’s doing in their lives. Listen to people’s testimonies. At one point, I went up to random strangers on campus (who looked like Christians) and asked them why they believed because I was so desperate to hear that God was real. Their testimonies and prayers are still with me today.
-Keep practicing spiritual disciplines. I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough. Pray regularly, no matter how forced it might be. Read through the Psalms if you can’t find your own words to pray. Go to church. Commit to a community. Be discipled. Read scripture. Spiritual disciplines may feel different in the Dark Night, mostly because you won’t experience them the same way you used to. But keep practicing them and you’ll be so blessed by it when you come out of the Darkness.
-Understand that the Lord can use you for ministry despite how you feel about Him, so keep doing ministry. As I look back on the past year and a half, I can see how my suffering worked for the benefit of others and allowed me to do ministry in a much more effective way. Ultimately, if others benefit because of my suffering, then the pain is worth it.
-Know that every season must come to an end. Throughout the many months of Darkness, I always had hope that this season, like all seasons, would eventually end. Though sorrows may last through the night, joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).
I’m now at a place where the Darkness has subsided and it’s snowing in my soul. The darker the night, the brighter the day. Despite how incredibly torturous the Dark Night sometimes felt, I am thankful for it. I now worship the Lord with so much more awe. I know that the Lord can do whatever he wants to, his ways are so very unknown to me, and this all stirs up a deep sense of reverence and fear inside me that makes my heart adore his holiness on a new level. After having this experience, I now believe that one cannot truly love the Lord until one learns to fear the Lord. And the Darkness will certainly make you fear the Lord – but oh, that is such a beautiful place to be.
