About a year and a half ago I had a vision that, to this day, is one of the most profound things I have ever experienced. I’ve shared this vision with only a few other people because it’s so personal and intimate, but in a spirit of vulnerability I’d like to open my heart up for all to see so that you might understand a few things. First I’d like you to understand how the Lord has worked in my life so far, and secondly I want you to know about what Jesus did in my heart this week at Training Camp.
In the spring of 2011 I did a six month “boy fast”. Those six months of the spring semester were set aside to pursue the Lord without any distraction from men. Throughout the six months, my fast took many turns and I ultimately learned a lot. But the climax of my experience happened on a Friday night in mid-February. Jesus took me on a date.
We didn’t go anywhere special. We simply stayed in my dorm room, turned on some music, and danced. Yes, what I’m telling you is that I spent a Friday night in my quiet, empty dorm room and “danced” with Jesus. To an outsider it probably looked like I was standing alone and swaying with my hands awkwardly stretched out into the empty air. But with my eyes closed, I saw things from a different perspective.
Jesus was standing there with me, holding my hands in his, and we swayed together. He gently led me in a simple dance, never breaking his stare into my eyes. After rocking back and forth for a few minutes, Jesus then took me by the hand and the waist and led me to the throne of his Father. I stood next to Jesus, his hand on my waist, and he looked up to his Dad. I looked at Jesus while he said, “Father, this is her. This is the girl I’ve been telling you about.”
Even to this day as I recount the details of that moment, the profound beauty of it overwhelms me. As I said, that vision is so personal to me that I’ve kept it close to my heart for years. It was an experience that I didn’t want to share with anyone because of its sacredness.
Last week at training camp I had the vision again. The dance was different this time; it was faster and more dramatic. But in the middle of the swaying and turning, Jesus told me to touch his wrists. He said, “Touch my wrists. Touch my scars, Emily. And be healed.”
Training camp was a renaissance, or a rebirth, for my soul. It’s been so long since the Lord has revealed his deep, intimate love for me in such explicit ways. For months I’d been so closed off to the idea of experiencing the Holy Spirit again like I used to, but this week in the wilderness of Georgia, I heard the Lord say to me, “Welcome back.” It was as if he was ushering me back into his tabernacle, back into the full depths of his presence.
I learned so much last week. Between the physically demanding activities, the emotionally draining exercises, and the miserable mealtimes, the muscles of my mind, body, and soul were stretched and strengthened. Amidst all of it though, the most comforting thing I experienced was a reminder of the Lord’s faithfulness.
He is faithful to me despite my fickleness. Though I might waver, he is constant. Though I might run from him, he will never turn his back on me.
At the end of a long week, I’m glad to be back home where I have a warm bed and a Western toilet. Though I may appear to be the same, I think it’s safe to say that the renaissance my soul is experiencing is making me a new person. I’m satisfied by the faithfulness of the Lord and my cup is overflowing with genuine joy.
Sam Owens, who went with me to India in 2010, was helping at TC
so I got to see her beautiful face after two years of separation!
(photo cred: Stephanie Bernotas)
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